Lessons From A Cheating Partner, A Relationship Without Trust.

Lessons From A Cheating Partner, A Relationship Without Trust.



4 years ago

~9.0 mins read

I was supposed to be out of town.

My sister, her fiancé and I were en route to America by car. In a surprising turn of events, we were turned away at the border, so we had to drive back home.

I would have texted my then-husband (we'll call him Chris) to let him know I was on my way back.

But, my phone had died.

Chris met me at the door. My eyes darted to the tiny shoes sprawled on the floor and then him. I'm a size 10. He said, "It's not what you think."

I ignored him, blood boiling, and went straight to the bedroom.

There she was, sitting on my bed.

While she was fully clothed, I knew things weren't right. It was 1 o'clock in the morning, after all.

"What are you doing in my house?" I asked her.

"I'm here to see Chris," she stuttered. Then, she ran out.

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Literally. He ran after her and drove her home.

I had already made up my mind to move to Korea, as our relationship was tumultuous. He was extremely cruel towards me - even more so when my business failed, and I'd become depressed.

There was no love lost. At that point, every ounce of love I had for him had been wrung out of me. My focus was on how long this had been going on.

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Had there been other women? Did he always use protection?

Frankly, I was scared for my health.

However, when he came home, the fear trembles were replaced by boisterous laughter.

"I don't care what you do. I'm moving to Korea, anyway," I yelled.

Then, came the giggles that grew into a roar.

I couldn't stop laughing - at him, at the situation and at the fact that I had always been faithful to him, no matter how he treated me.

He slapped me. Still, I continued to laugh.

A couple of years after our divorce, he called me and admitted that he had cheated on me throughout our entire marriage. He apologized for everything.

His admission didn't make me feel good, and, in my opinion, it was completely unnecessary. However, I don't hate him.

I learned from him - and I'll never be in a situation like that again.

Here are the four lessons I learned:

Always listen to your intuition

Our pre-marital relationship was almost as terrible as our marriage.

If you feel like your relationship just isn't right, it's okay to let it go. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about your decision. It doesn't matter that you'll have to start over. Listen to your internal guidance system.

We are a product of our environment

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But, they are the blueprint. Lots of unlearning has to take place in order not to fall into those exact patterns.

When I asked him why his mom never left his father, he responded, "Because she's not a whore." He believed that a woman's role is to stand by her partner no matter what.

What are your traumas? How are you dealing with them? Are you actively trying to heal?

Those are some intimate questions. But, I need to know the answers if I am to share intimate space with someone.

Life doesn't always turn out as planned

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I had an idea of how my life should be, but it was destroying me, because it made me stay. He never did change - at least, not with me.

I realized that there were worse things than being a divorcée. I could still have a great life by myself or with someone else if I so chose. I wasn't a failure for choosing the wrong partner.

A relationship without trust is no relationship at all

"It was the first time, and I'll never do it again," he tried to reassure me.

I didn't believe him.

Although I stayed with him, I never trusted him. I'd go searching for inappropriate messages any chance I got.

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That is no way to live. A relationship should be a safe place, a space of open communication. If you don't trust your partner, a healthy relationship, in my opinion, cannot be sustained.

One of two things is going on: Either the person is doing something behind your back or they're not. In both cases, you're suffering, as stress leads to too many health conditions to count.

Do I regret getting married at the age of 23? I think the feeling of regret is pointless, since I cannot go back in time. But, boy, did I ever learn. I trust my current partner wholeheartedly.

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I wouldn't be with him if I didn't. While I never imagined I'd be a divorcée, my life post-divorce has been amazing. I've had great experiences and forged meaningful connections in so many different countries.

Sometimes, things turn out better than you initially envisioned, even though the road there was exceptionally bumpy.

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