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Ugobaby
How To Kickstart Your Mornings To Have A Very Successful And Productive Day
~13.8 mins read
I don’t know if it’s my creative sensibilities that have always drawn me to the night rather than the morning, but I always struggle to do anything productive in the first hour after I wake up.
So many mornings I wake up and do two uninspired things…
I’ve been lucky this semester to get teaching assignments in the afternoon, so my mornings have mostly been free seven days a week since August.
The problem with filling my life with screens for the first hour of the day is that it completely sucks away my productivity. I struggle to get inspired when I’ve been watching TV for too long in the morning and have been glued to my phone and have gotten pretty much nothing accomplished. It’s relaxing, I guess, but it doesn’t do a thing for my productivity.
In the last few days, I’ve tried to mix up my activities when I wake up, and I’ve finally started having much more success throughout the morning… and more productivity throughout the day!
Here are 9 things you should think about trying in the mornings to come…
Keep Screens Turned Off for 30-minutes
This is the main change I’ve made in the last week, and I’ve already noticed a hugedifference in my attitude for the rest of the morning. We’re so wired to immediately check our phones, want to make sure we haven’t missed anything in those few hours we were asleep, and it’s a practice I’ve finally stopped.
I check one thing — my e-mails. Once every few weeks I have an e-mail in my inbox in the early morning I simply have to respond to for whatever reason, that I shouldn’t wait for. But I leave that deep dive into the social media feeds for later. For at least thirty minutes. It will all still be there in a half-hour, after all.
Give yourself a little bit of time after you wake up away from all the screens in our lives. We’re so pressed for time these days that a few minutes away from the screens first thing in the morning will do you a world of good!
Read
And for me, the most pleasurable way to start my day is reading physical books. Again, physical books, not E-readers! I keep at least three in my drawer beside my bed at all times, always rotating throughout the weeks. I told some friends recently that I read one book a week, and they were shocked. They asked me how. I said I read for at least thirty minutes after I wake up, and I usually read for thirty minutes in the bath at the end of the night.
One hour a day of reading, and I can usually get through one book a week, depending on its length. I’m not a fast reader at all. I actually read pretty slowly. But just like how writing a little bit every day can result in tons of words a year, reading a little bit every day can also allow you to read lots of great books throughout the year!
Better yet, reading is a great way to start your morning because it strengthens your mind. Instead of just mindlessly scrolling through social media feeds and watching the news and tons of commercials, you start the day feeding your mind, not destroying it. Reading is a great relaxer, and it’s a simply fantastic way to start your day!
Meditate
I went on a meditation hike for the first time in my life in September, and it was one of the most gloriously calming mornings I’ve spent in a long time. I walked with my mother through a forest and enjoyed short and long meditations throughout the hike. I was on cloud nine for the rest of the day.
I never meditate. I always feel like it’s a waste of time when actually, it will add to your time and boosts your productivity throughout your day. There are lots of meditations you can try. You can do it for just five or ten minutes if you’d like!
There are so many ways just in your bed you can find some inner peace before you conquer the craziness of your day. Finding something that calms you down first thing will help you for hours on end. Meditation is definitely something you should look into.
Drink Green Tea
Okay, okay, you can have coffee too of course, but I’ve always found a cup of green tea to be an excellent way to start my day. There are so many benefits to green tea. It’s such a healthy drink, and once you start drinking it every day, you really start to develop a taste for it. I kind of crave it now every morning, and I always notice a little boost to my mood after I drink it.
Now, a few things about green tea. I get nauseous if I drink it on an empty stomach, and it might make you nauseous too. It’s best to drink it with a little food. It doesn’t have to be a full breakfast if you don’t want it to be. It can be something small, like some fruit or a slice of toast with peanut butter. But do eat something with it if you can.
Also, keep in mind that green tea has caffeine, so you don’t want to drink too much of it. My advice is two cups a morning tops. Furthermore, be careful not to drink the tea when it’s too hot. I’ve actually read articles about how drinking too much hot tea day after day can damage your throat! So enjoy green tea in moderation, and make sure it’s lukewarm before you drink it.
Exercise
This is something I used to do all the time in the morning during my twenties, and I’ve tried, finally, to start it up again. For so long I found myself using the morning and afternoon to complete my tasks, like my writing and my teaching, and then I would go for a run or go to a gym in the early evening when all the major tasks have already been accomplished.
But you know what? It’s important to mix things up sometimes, and I’ve finally started taking my dogs on a few short runs in the morning lately rather than in the afternoon or evening. They’re always more energetic in the morning anyway, so it works out for all three of us!
You can do any kind of exercise you want. I personally love to go for a jog around the neighborhood. It’s free, it’s easy, you get some fresh air, and you can be out and back in thirty to forty minutes. My gym is a ten-minute drive away, so when I go to the gym, there’s an extra twenty minutes on top of the work-out session itself. Therefore I usually save the gym for the weekends and go for runs between Monday and Friday.
The important thing about exercising in the morning is that it will benefit you for the rest of the day in more ways than one. Exercising first thing will keep you fit physically and mentally. It will get you excited for the day to come. It will get you motivated to be more productive for the rest of the morning and throughout the day!
Take a Shower and Put On Fresh Clothes
This is one of the easiest things you can do, and it’s one of the most helpful! As a writer, I have lots of days where I sit around the house in my pajamas and write, write, write, sometimes until 4 pm or 5 pm before I go for a jog and take a shower. My thinking is that I’m going to exercise later, so why take two showers in my day? I’m not going anywhere, so I’ll just stay in my PJs.
The thing is that how you feel reflects on what you’re going to accomplish throughout the day. And there’s something about being in your PJs that gives you a feeling of worthlessness, as unemployed, as being lazy. Even if you’re not lazy.
Taking a shower and putting on fresh clothes tells yourself that you’re here, you’re present, and you’re going to kick the shit out of the day the best you can. You’re showing up for yourself, not lounging around in your PJs for hours and hours.
Write for Five Minutes Straight
This goes for writers and non-writers. This one goes for everyone! Writing is such a therapeutic activity. You get to put your thoughts down, you get to work through your ideas, it allows you to be as creative as you want to be.
One thing I love to do in the morning is to grab my little red notebook from my desk drawer and write for five minutes straight. Sometimes that five minutes of writing is putting ideas down for a new story. Sometimes it’s putting down in as much detail as possible a weird dream I just had. Often it’s just writing to write!
Freewriting, always the best. Because there’s never a wrong answer. It’s just a way to put ideas down. You don’t even have to read over your work when those five minutes are up. Put the notebook away, and then maybe in the evening pull it back up and see what you wrote. Sometimes it’s jibberish that doesn’t amount to much, but sometimes there will be a nugget in there that will be helpful and inspiring!
Cuddle With Your Pets
I can’t tell you the difference my two Goldendoodles have made in my life this past year. They are the sweetest things ever. They love to play, love to cuddle. And never more so than first thing in the morning in bed. How lucky are we to have dogs in the first place, am I right?
Sure, my dogs get into trouble sometimes (they ripped up one of my favorite books last week in the backyard, gasp!), but for the most part, they are pure love, and cuddling with them first thing in the morning is a great start to my day.
Don’t feel like you have to make an excuse if all you want to do for twenty minutes is cuddle with your pet. It’s always important to start each day in a positive way, and what’s more positive than having loving animals at your side?
Eat Dessert First
One more excuse you shouldn’t have to make? Eating dessert first thing! We’re so programmed to eat a certain kind of thing for breakfast, a certain kind of thing for lunch. And of course, you’re programmed to save that special sweet for the end of your day.
Sure, I love to have some dessert at the end of a long day. It’s so relaxing to enjoy a tasty dinner, then follow it up with something chocolatey, something savory. I try to be good. I try to alternate my desserts between healthy and not so healthy. I try not to go completely nuts with my sweets.
But one final thing you should do when you wake up and eat dessert first. No, don’t have a giant bowl of ice cream or a slice of caramel swirl cheesecake. But a little something sweet on the mouth can fill you with joy, and what’s wrong with that? Some of my favorites for the morning — a piece of dark chocolate, a chocolate-covered strawberry, or bananas foster style.
That last dessert almost works as a breakfast because it’s actually fairly healthy, mixing low-fat cottage cheese with sliced bananas and 100% maple syrup. It’s important not to weigh yourself down first thing in the morning. You want to feel your best. So find something sweet that makes you happy, that makes you feel good, and then you’re well on your way!
Do What Works Best for You
Don’t feel like you need to attempt all nine of these things in the first hour of your day. You could certainly try (I might even try it in the days to come), but it might be too overwhelming.
Instead, I would pick three or four of these and try to attempt at least one of them each morning. Try one for a few days, then switch over to something else if you’d like. Maybe blend two or three of them. And see how you feel. See what feels right, what makes you most inspired, most productive.
That first hour after waking up is absolutely crucial to the success of your day. Give some of these things a try… and see what works best for you!
Written by Brian Rowe
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Ugobaby
For Men Only: How To Wait For A Lady Who Is Not Ready To Be In A Relationship With You.
~16.4 mins read
Dear Chelsea,
I’m in a place I’ve never been with a woman before and I’m looking for some insight! Let me explain.
I’m a 28 year old father of two, a 6 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. I’ve been single for just over a year now. Spent a significant amount of time healing from separating with their mother and then a failed relationship afterwards. I decided I was ready to try and meet someone and with a little encouragement, messaged a girl that caught my eye on Facebook. We were mutual friends that met through an ex and I’d found myself noticing her photographs more and more. We had a nice connection right from the start and I could tell she was someone that I wanted to meet and get to know. I asked her on a date and she said she’d think about it (she being recently single herself). After a few days of more talking she let me know she was coming home and wanted to grab a drink with me. She’s from my town but lives an hour away.
First date was fantastic. Everything went as a perfect first date is envisioned to be. We had great conversation, were both very in tune with one another, had a lot in common, and shared a very palpable physical attraction. We ended up hooking up in her car at 4am. (Yes, possibly not the best move but hey!) It was clear we wanted to see more of one another and so the following weekend she was back again. Things couldn’t have been going better!
I ended up going to visit her the following week and she asked me to stay with her. Everything still progressing as you’d like it to. Then, quite abruptly, she confronted me with the kicker. She revealed to me that she was feeling that she wasn’t quite ready for me. Despite recognizing me as a wonderful person and thinking things were going well between us, she had an incident with the ex while trying to retrieve some leftover belongings and recognized that she was still allowing him to affect her emotionally. She wanted to take some space out of fear that this would jeopardize us. I only found that this made me more attracted to her! Finally! Someone mature enough to identify something about themselves and want to deal with it positively. This was great I thought, I can handle this. She’s told me I’m wonderful and to let space attract her to me more while she dealt with herself and healed.
That never happened. Within a day or two she was asking me to come see her. I obliged (was this my mistake?) It’s hard to say no when you want something even if you know it’s probably not the best for the other person. I had encouraged her to do what she felt was right and this was it. She wanted me around! For another week everything was back as it had been. We connected more and more. Found ourselves getting closer and closer. Then it happened again. The ex contacted her about wanting some things back as well and was ugly and hurt her again. Back to the space. Back to withdrawing from me. All the while I received encouraging words that I was still great and left a big impression and that I am a lot of what she wants. Just to trust her and give her space and let her come to me. She likes the chase you see, and I made myself very readily available to her.
So here’s my question. It’s been a week and a half now. I’ve received some Snapchats, some messages that she’s thinking of me and hopes I have a good week. But every time I reply to them, she says nothing. Give me some insight into what could be going on with her. Should I be playing harder to get and not replying to her? It’s not in my nature to ignore someone but she rarely replies after contacting me. She always comes off as incredibly straightforward and genuine so I have no reason to believe she’s letting me off easy. I think she genuinely wants to heal and give us a chance. I don’t contact her at all, I only reply when she does. I’m really into her and I’m content to bide my time as I’m not desperate to find something else.
I’d love some advice. This is a first for me. Usually it’s cut and dry, when it’s over it’s over. This feels different but I’m driving myself a bit crazy wondering how long she’s going to take!
Sincerely,
Guy playing the waiting game
Dear Guy Playing The Waiting Game,
Letters like this and questions like yours standout to me. You sound so tame, sincere, so sensible. You sound ready. And yet, something is keeping you from love.
It’s easy to read your letter and focus on your love interest being the culprit, on this woman who calls you wonderful and says that you are a lot of what she wants but then brings her ex into the equation and retreats. It’s easy to get swept up in the story, in you being this man who’s doing exactly what women say does not happen for them enough.
WTF?! How is she not with you?
Your connection sounds so good!
Reading your letter one, two, three times, my reaction is you’re doing all the right things. My God, you’ve even got me rooting for you. I mean, what’s not to love?
Wow.
What impresses me most is the ease in which you seem to accept her. Let’s be real, most of us would internally combust if an ex was mentioned. Not you. You accept this woman. You accept where she is. You accept where she isn’t. I imagine that this is because you naturally default to empathy. You’re giving her space because you can remember how badly you’ve needed that once for yourself and, seeing where that’s gotten you now, you know firsthand that space and time can work wonders.
But then, I read your letter again and I think about you some more and suddenly I see, that for all your acceptance, what you aren’t accepting is her words.
She told you she doesn’t feel ready for you. Why won’t you believe her?
This is why you and your letter standout to me. Because I’ve seen myself and countless other romantics in you and your predicament.
We don’t accept what we know.
We think we can change someone’s mind.
When it comes to relationships, we resist what we’re told and let our hearts run wild with what we think instead.
In short, we prefer interpretations to answers. (Though beg for answers, we do.) It’s our way of holding on to a vision and all the desires we have informing it rather than accept that we cannot (yet) have what we are after. The trouble is, our interpretations of reality fool us and can drive us crazy in ways that answers never will. Because answers are meant to provide us peace of mind.
I want to remind you of the answers she’s already given you, because in your letter I spot a lot of them, and I want you to hear them this time. Then, ask yourself why her honesty isn’t providing you with enough peace.
If I had to guess, I’d say it’s because when she tells you to let her come to you, I think you don’t trust that she will. You think that if time comes between you, you’ll be history, so to speak, just a blip in the past. This thinking is pretty normal. That’s why they say, “the good ones always get away,†right?
It’s normal to fear that time apart will enable someone to move on from us. The best you can do is trust that it won’t.
It’s important to remember that if you’re meant to be together, nothing can stop that from happening. Except, of course, force. Forcing the relationship to happen by insisting you commit to each other sooner than maybe you should, or insisting you know where this relationship is headed, will likely jeopardize your chances together. The good news is she gets this. From what you’ve told me, she’s aware that rushing into a relationship often jeopardizes it. She even said she was afraid of that.
Are you hearing this?
She doesn’t want to ruin her chances with you.
Believe her.
My starting advice is to take your time with this woman. If you’re able to go with the flow just a little bit more, you might find that the time and space she wants is ultimately the blessing this relationship deserves. And anyway, I can’t imagine time wouldn’t ultimately tighten your bond should you end up together or strengthen you individually. Either is a win.
Speaking of wins, I think it’s important to check in with yourself along the way and ask, “What am I gaining from this?â€
I don’t mean that in a condescending if you’re not getting love get out kind of way. I’m encouraging you to look for what you might be getting from this relationship other than reciprocated affection. I’m saying check in and ask yourself,
“What am I learning to do?â€
“How am I being stretched?â€
Maybe right now this relationship is teaching you patience or challenging you to trust that someone will return. Reach below the surface and bring these smaller gems to light. They are just as valuable.
The truth is, sometimes the act of learning is far more transformative than the hunt we’re on for love.
This relationship might not develop in the ways you currently wish but that doesn’t keep it from being impactful. I’ll never forget meeting this man after my own long and “failed†relationship. Everything inside of me told me to go after him, to not let our meeting slip into one of casualty. I have never been moved — pulled, pushed — so invisibly toward someone like that before, and I’ve never honored my intuition as I did then either. He was gold. Magic. He was like no one I had ever known. He brought out the boldness in me, my own blind faith and dormant adventure.
Did I want him to be the one?
Did I feel like he could be the one?
Of course I did. Only, that want and those feelings weren’t mutual.
It would have been easy to pass this off as a failed attempt at discovering love. It would have been easy to feel humiliated, rejected, and let down. And yet, I didn’t feel much of that at all. I still felt thankful for him. I still felt open. I felt like I didn’t need this man to love me, I needed him to just let me know him.
Why? Because I knew he had more to teach me.
I knew that having him in one way and not having him in another would expose me to something vital about myself, and the bravest part of me told me I needed that.
I needed to lean into an uncertain relationship to confront an uncomfortable truth that would help me expand.
At the time, my mother told me that sometimes people are brought into our lives as a catalyst, not always as an answer.
My mom was right.
The man I met was not the answer I so wanted him to be but what knowing him has taught me is that sometimes a catalyst is the greater of the two.
Maybe this woman is your catalyst.
Maybe she’s in your life to show you how dedicated you are ready to be. That’s worth realizing, right?
I’m of the opinion that it’s in the midst of romantic tension that we often see ourselves most clearly. So, the inconsistency of a woman you’re always willing to show up for makes you realize how grounded you are in your own heart, how prepared you are to be the person you say you can be.
The tension I pick up on in your letter is simple: an available man is trying to date an unavailable woman.
You can go all in but she can’t help but hold herself back.
This is why you’re at standstill.
This is why your communication is clashing.
I’ve already emphasized that she’s not ready for you and, ultimately, because you’ve told me this, I know you know that, even if desire is urging you to overlook it. I’m guessing what boggles your mind is why her actions don’t match her words, why she reaches out with a message and then disappears. I get the feeling you don’t understand and can’t relate to the kind of self-control she is demonstrating, the way she’s able to be all about you and, then, just as capable of keeping herself from you.
This just isn’t the way we expect women to act. When a man demonstrates his readiness, we expect a woman to leap, cling, and commit herself.
Ah, welcome to the new age.
It probably feels like she runs hot and cold but, on the outside looking in, I can tell you that to me nothing suggests she’s unsure about her feelings toward you. In fact, and it may be difficult to hear this, I don’t believe her feelings toward you are what’s predominately driving her actions in the first place.
(In my opinion, it’s her unavailability and her fallout with her ex. More on that soon.)
What this means is, had you shown less interest or more interest in a different way, that wouldn’t have changed where you are at with her now.
The peace of mind I’m offering you here is, don’t question anything you’ve done. Don’t think back on the choices you’ve made and wonder if, had you done things differently, you’d be further along with her or be more desirable in her eyes. You’ve acted honestly. Good relationships can’t be built on anything but that. If everything you’ve told me is true, then, you’ve done the right thing and, if anything, it’s because you are desirable in her eyes that she keeps pressing play then pause, play then pause.
Women complain about men doing this all the time. And, guess what? Women are capable of waffling, too. They, too, get scared of committing to the real deal.
(It’s very possible that you feel like the real deal to her, or at least like a man who would want a woman whose broken pieces have been put back together.)
I see it all the time, and I see it especially in women who talk about how ready they are for true love. You send a man over who can give her that, and she will find every reason to overlook him or doubt his intentions, jeopardizing the relationship completely.
Basically, just like men, women try to buy themselves more time before committing. The only difference is, women very rarely see this in themselves, let alone accept it enough to acknowledge it outright. Instead, you’ll just see a woman keep going back to her ex or fall into relationships with unreasonable partners. Serial monogamists, bouncing from relationship to relationship, are guilty of being commitaphobes, too.
This is exactly why you should want/insist on her doing her own thing before dating you. You don’t want to be a reaction to the last guy. You want her to date you because she’s thinking clearly, knows what she wants, and isn’t looking back.
As an available man, you do not want to be in a relationship with an unavailable womanbecause, believe me, she will sabotage it.* And listen, you cannot change this about her either or inspire her to be different for you. Every single person must grow at their own rate. If you encourage her into something she’s not ready for, she’ll only resent you. And women are good that.
So, if she’s not ready, why is she still reaching out to you?
Because, just like you don’t want to see her disappear, she doesn’t want to see you disappear.
What do I think is going on with her when she sends you a message and then won’t reply back?
I think it’s a way of keeping you on the hook, of showing up in your life because she doeswant to be in it, but then backing away because anything more would pull her — and you — in too much. And, like she said, she isn’t ready for that.
I think she says she can’t see you but then, a few days later, has to see you because that’s just how desire works.
Putting words to what is best for us is the easy part but to actually do what is best is much more difficult.
She doesn’t respond because your response relieves her, and that’s what she’s looking for: the confirmation that you still care.
Basically, any inconsistency between our words and our actions happens because we want to feed the fantasy as we wait with hope.
As for what you should do while you are waiting for her, my advice is to live but not to live in wait. This doesn’t mean you have to be out there dating, it just means continue to be available to opportunities that encourage you to put yourself out there and take chances. Scan your Facebook and connect with more people. Or, just walk out into the world. Enjoy your daughter and your son. (Congratulations on being a daddy, by the way.) Document their lives. Read good books. Find ways to smile and, above all, be open to more catalysts and answers arriving for you.
Do not, by any means, begin playing hard to get. Ignoring someone breaks hearts, it never breeds love. You’re an evolved human being, don’t regress for anyone.
If you begin driving yourself crazy again, remember that you are proof that love and healing is a journey that takes time. Consider how she may need a failed relationship after this ex of hers, just as you needed yours after separating from the mother of your children. If you don’t want to be her failed relationship, give her space and insist she do what she told you she must do: heal.
Your advantage in all this is, no man comes in and out of a woman’s thoughts like the man who could have been.
Maybe now is not the time to be her boyfriend, maybe it’s the time to be her “what-if.â€
Love,
Chelsea
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