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Sandy
Sexual Satisfaction: What's The Secret?
~3.0 mins read
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Once the flutters of a new relationship are over, for many, the slog of everyday life sets in. But how do you keep the spark alive?
Sex is a key factor in most romantic relationships. In fact, earlier this year, Medical News Today reported that the "afterglow" that newlywed couples feel for up to 2 days after having sex is associated with greater marital satisfaction.
But last week, a new study showed that 34 percent of women and 15 percent of men who had lived with their partner for at least 1 year had lost interest in sex.
There are many factors that can affect sexual desire. Find out how much sex has the greatest effect on happiness, why some people lose interest, and what factors contribute to long-term sexual satisfaction.
How much sex is enough?
In a 2016 paper, Amy Muise, Ph.D. - a postdoctoral fellow in the Department of Psychology at the University of Toronto Mississauga in Canada - explains that there is plenty of evidence that "[...] the more sex people reported, the happier they felt."
However, Dr. Muise also questions whether trying to have sex as "frequently as possible" is actually going to have the desired effect, particularly in light of the busy lives that many people lead.
Is the pressure of having frequent sex getting in the way of happiness?
Dr. Muise reports a clear relationship between the frequency of sex and happiness. What she found was that people who had sex once per week or more often were significantly happier than those who had sex less often.
But study participants who had sex on several occasions per week were not happier than those who had sex once each week.
The results were true for individuals who were in a romantic relationship, including women, older participants, and those in long-term relationships who tend to have less sex.
Interestingly, having sex had a greater effect on the participants' happiness than income. So if sex makes us happy, why do so many people lose interest?
Who loses interest in sex?
There is plenty of evidence that being in a long-term relationship, being a woman, and increasing age are linked to a drop in sexual frequency.
Last year, MNT reported that women's sexual desire decreased in long-term relationships. However, over the 7-year study period, the participants' ability to reach orgasm improved - especially in those who had been in the same relationship the entire time.
So, for women, staying with a partner means better orgasms but less interest in sex, according to the research.
Last week, we reported on a new study published in BMJ Open that adds to the body of evidence showing that women's interest in sex decreases in relationships.
Prof. Cynthia Graham, from the Centre for Sexual Health Research at the University of Southampton in the United Kingdom, found that more than 34 percent of women who had lived with their partner for at least 1 year lacked interest in sex, while only 15 percent of men did.
The biggest turn-offs
Prof. Graham identified a number of factors that were associated with the drop in sexual desire found in her study.
For women, these were having young children, having been pregnant in the past year, living with their partner, being in a longer relationship, not sharing the same level of sexual interest, and not sharing the same sexual preferences.
For both genders, health conditions (including depression), not feeling close to their partner during sex, being less happy with their relationship, and having sex less often than they were interested in all contributed to a drop in sexual interest.
Age was another factor. Men experienced the lowest levels of interest in sex between the ages of 35 and 44, while for women, this was between 55 and 64.
Julia Velten, Ph.D. - a postdoctoral fellow at the Mental Health Research and Treatment Center at Ruhr University Bochum in Germany - reported that when men felt that their partner expected them to always initiate sex, it had a negative effect on their sexual satisfaction.
Sexual desire discrepancy, which is the difference between the actual and desired frequency of sex, was a negative factor for both men and women.
Sex is a key factor in most romantic relationships. In fact, earlier this year, Medical News Today reported that the "afterglow" that newlywed couples feel for up to 2 days after having sex is associated with greater marital satisfaction.
But last week, a new study showed that 34 percent of women and 15 percent of men who had lived with their partner for at least 1 year had lost interest in sex.
There are many factors that can affect sexual desire. Find out how much sex has the greatest effect on happiness, why some people lose interest, and what factors contribute to long-term sexual satisfaction.
How much sex is enough?
In a 2016 paper, Amy Muise, Ph.D. - a postdoctoral fellow in the Department of Psychology at the University of Toronto Mississauga in Canada - explains that there is plenty of evidence that "[...] the more sex people reported, the happier they felt."
However, Dr. Muise also questions whether trying to have sex as "frequently as possible" is actually going to have the desired effect, particularly in light of the busy lives that many people lead.
Is the pressure of having frequent sex getting in the way of happiness?
Dr. Muise reports a clear relationship between the frequency of sex and happiness. What she found was that people who had sex once per week or more often were significantly happier than those who had sex less often.
But study participants who had sex on several occasions per week were not happier than those who had sex once each week.
The results were true for individuals who were in a romantic relationship, including women, older participants, and those in long-term relationships who tend to have less sex.
Interestingly, having sex had a greater effect on the participants' happiness than income. So if sex makes us happy, why do so many people lose interest?
Who loses interest in sex?
There is plenty of evidence that being in a long-term relationship, being a woman, and increasing age are linked to a drop in sexual frequency.
Last year, MNT reported that women's sexual desire decreased in long-term relationships. However, over the 7-year study period, the participants' ability to reach orgasm improved - especially in those who had been in the same relationship the entire time.
So, for women, staying with a partner means better orgasms but less interest in sex, according to the research.
Last week, we reported on a new study published in BMJ Open that adds to the body of evidence showing that women's interest in sex decreases in relationships.
Prof. Cynthia Graham, from the Centre for Sexual Health Research at the University of Southampton in the United Kingdom, found that more than 34 percent of women who had lived with their partner for at least 1 year lacked interest in sex, while only 15 percent of men did.
The biggest turn-offs
Prof. Graham identified a number of factors that were associated with the drop in sexual desire found in her study.
For women, these were having young children, having been pregnant in the past year, living with their partner, being in a longer relationship, not sharing the same level of sexual interest, and not sharing the same sexual preferences.
For both genders, health conditions (including depression), not feeling close to their partner during sex, being less happy with their relationship, and having sex less often than they were interested in all contributed to a drop in sexual interest.
Age was another factor. Men experienced the lowest levels of interest in sex between the ages of 35 and 44, while for women, this was between 55 and 64.
Julia Velten, Ph.D. - a postdoctoral fellow at the Mental Health Research and Treatment Center at Ruhr University Bochum in Germany - reported that when men felt that their partner expected them to always initiate sex, it had a negative effect on their sexual satisfaction.
Sexual desire discrepancy, which is the difference between the actual and desired frequency of sex, was a negative factor for both men and women.
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Sandy
Secrets Men Really Don't Want Women To Know
~4.8 mins read
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Uhh..some are gross.
You know that moment when you ask your partner what he's really thinking about? And he responds with a casual "Oh, nothing," but you know there's something else going on in his brain? There are some things men just don't want to share, but a bunch of guys opened up in a recent Reddit thread and answered the critical question: "What secrets do men not want women to know?" Get ready for some answers. But be warned: Some are kinda gross.
1. Why Your Decorative Towels Look Kinda Grimy
"We use decorative towels as normal towels." —Aeayx
2. Why He Doesn't Let You See Him Naked After a Cold Shower
"How ridiculous our dick and balls look when we're wet and freezing cold." —agwe
3. What He's Really Looking At
"We check everyone out. Everyone." —pelican737
4. Why He Doesn't Want to Hear About Your Manly Guy Friend
"No, I don't want to hear about your guy friend that is much cooler and manly than me. And, yes, every time you bring him up it makes me want to kick you out the damn car. You may not realize, but I can tell you that without even blinking he would have sex with you despite being in a long-term relationship. Sorry to break that news to you." —blamblam2
5. This Is Why He Really Remembers Dates
"I remember dates not because of their importance but because of the sh*tstorm that would ensue if I forgot them." —Seriousdolla
6. Yes, He Does Get Anxious
"When it comes to providing for the family, we generally put on a brave face and act content, but we're secretly freaking out that we aren't doing enough." —afellowinfidel
7. Not Everything He Says Is What You Think It Means
"'Of course I would still love you if you got fat' doesn't mean 'I would still be attracted to you, want to have sex with you, and be proud of being seen with you if you got fat.'" —Iappreci8thegr8r8m8
8. How He Feels About Laundry
"Bed sheets rarely get washed." —OhNoItsThatDude
9. Yes, He Already Noticed That Other Woman In the Room
"When a woman points out another female, 99.99% of the time we have seen her way before you have pointed them out, but [we] play the whoaaaa/shocked route." —pyth0ns
10. About Porn...
"Yes, your boyfriends watch porn." —whenyouflowersweep
11. That He Cares About Father's Day
"We get really butthurt if we go all out for Mother's Day, but Father's Day is a mere afterthought." —BoldArch
12 . That He Was Told to Repress His Feelings
"We're not allowed to admit how we feel. It's bullshit, but a lot of us were told our whole lives that our emotions were bad and to repress that shit in a toxic way." —Lordveus
13. That He Wants to be Complimented
"We're so desperate for validation. Any compliment we get, even if we answer with a grunt, will be cherished until the day we die." —XSplain
14. That He Probably Won't Cheat
"Most of us don't cheat and won't cheat, but we also won't get involved if someone we know is cheating." —Lordveus
15. What Is Actually On His Mind That Second
"When a woman asks a man 'What are you thinking about?' and he says 'Nothing,' it's true that doesn't mean literally nothing. What it means is he was thinking about silly, stupid shit that he doesn't want to try to explain without sounding like a moron. Like, 'who would in a fight between Batman and Spider-Man? Gotham is DC's NYC so they pretty much live in the same place. Would they even fight at all, though? Spider-Man is more of a small-time crimefighter while Batman tends to go after supervillians. Having Robin and/or Batgirl along would definitely tip the scales in Bats' favor, but Spider-Man is super strong and his webs, if he could hit their utility belts, would disable most if not all of their gadgets,' and so on, for instance." —Boraggle
16. What He Thinks About That Spider...
"I'm scared as f*ck of that spider too and don't wanna take care of it." —TesticleMeElmo
17. Uhh...About That Shower
"How much we piss in the shower. (Or that we do at all.)" —ElDiario
18. What He Fantasizes About
"We fantasize about other women. Not with any interest or intent to cheat, and certainly not because we're unhappy." —pyr666
19. That He's Insecure
"Dudes get literally zero affirmation about their appearance outside of their significant others. Most of us carry some level of insecurity about it." - nightshiftfox13
20. Just How Bad He *Really* Smells
"I personally run nuclear, spring and summer are horrendous if you're like me, because you are never cool no amount of deodorant will cover up the amount you sweat because of the heat." —Code-Void
21. That He Likes Quiet Time
"Sometimes we genuinely like quiet time and silence, and no it's not because we are upset or despise you. Usually, there is a lot going on in a day and silence is my decompression time, and I'll find it wherever I can. Pooping, any toilet time, sitting in the car a little bit, long showers, waiting before I drive somewhere. It really isn't you, I promise." —spacezoro
22. That He's Not Always Ready for Sex
"We are not 'always ready' for sex, however we agree to it even when we aren't to perpetuate this belief, because of the rarity of the female homosapien wanting to have/being ready for sex." —askeyword
23. What Happens When You Leave the House
"When you're going out and I say 'I'll miss you, too,' I'm just being polite. As soon as you're gone, the party begins. Cue video games, action movies, fast food, and whatever the hell else I want. Masturbation will also inevitably occur somewhere in between and is not limited to one single session." —Reizo123
24. That They Don't All Have the Same Taste In Women
"We're all different. We do not have the same taste in women. Just because you as a girl think some other girl is hot or you have a guy friend that thinks she is, does not mean I think she is!" —hiddendil
25. About That Pickle Jar...
"That it was difficult for us to open the pickle jar also." —R1ckjamesBitch
You know that moment when you ask your partner what he's really thinking about? And he responds with a casual "Oh, nothing," but you know there's something else going on in his brain? There are some things men just don't want to share, but a bunch of guys opened up in a recent Reddit thread and answered the critical question: "What secrets do men not want women to know?" Get ready for some answers. But be warned: Some are kinda gross.
1. Why Your Decorative Towels Look Kinda Grimy
"We use decorative towels as normal towels." —Aeayx
2. Why He Doesn't Let You See Him Naked After a Cold Shower
"How ridiculous our dick and balls look when we're wet and freezing cold." —agwe
3. What He's Really Looking At
"We check everyone out. Everyone." —pelican737
4. Why He Doesn't Want to Hear About Your Manly Guy Friend
"No, I don't want to hear about your guy friend that is much cooler and manly than me. And, yes, every time you bring him up it makes me want to kick you out the damn car. You may not realize, but I can tell you that without even blinking he would have sex with you despite being in a long-term relationship. Sorry to break that news to you." —blamblam2
5. This Is Why He Really Remembers Dates
"I remember dates not because of their importance but because of the sh*tstorm that would ensue if I forgot them." —Seriousdolla
6. Yes, He Does Get Anxious
"When it comes to providing for the family, we generally put on a brave face and act content, but we're secretly freaking out that we aren't doing enough." —afellowinfidel
7. Not Everything He Says Is What You Think It Means
"'Of course I would still love you if you got fat' doesn't mean 'I would still be attracted to you, want to have sex with you, and be proud of being seen with you if you got fat.'" —Iappreci8thegr8r8m8
8. How He Feels About Laundry
"Bed sheets rarely get washed." —OhNoItsThatDude
9. Yes, He Already Noticed That Other Woman In the Room
"When a woman points out another female, 99.99% of the time we have seen her way before you have pointed them out, but [we] play the whoaaaa/shocked route." —pyth0ns
10. About Porn...
"Yes, your boyfriends watch porn." —whenyouflowersweep
11. That He Cares About Father's Day
"We get really butthurt if we go all out for Mother's Day, but Father's Day is a mere afterthought." —BoldArch
12 . That He Was Told to Repress His Feelings
"We're not allowed to admit how we feel. It's bullshit, but a lot of us were told our whole lives that our emotions were bad and to repress that shit in a toxic way." —Lordveus
13. That He Wants to be Complimented
"We're so desperate for validation. Any compliment we get, even if we answer with a grunt, will be cherished until the day we die." —XSplain
14. That He Probably Won't Cheat
"Most of us don't cheat and won't cheat, but we also won't get involved if someone we know is cheating." —Lordveus
15. What Is Actually On His Mind That Second
"When a woman asks a man 'What are you thinking about?' and he says 'Nothing,' it's true that doesn't mean literally nothing. What it means is he was thinking about silly, stupid shit that he doesn't want to try to explain without sounding like a moron. Like, 'who would in a fight between Batman and Spider-Man? Gotham is DC's NYC so they pretty much live in the same place. Would they even fight at all, though? Spider-Man is more of a small-time crimefighter while Batman tends to go after supervillians. Having Robin and/or Batgirl along would definitely tip the scales in Bats' favor, but Spider-Man is super strong and his webs, if he could hit their utility belts, would disable most if not all of their gadgets,' and so on, for instance." —Boraggle
16. What He Thinks About That Spider...
"I'm scared as f*ck of that spider too and don't wanna take care of it." —TesticleMeElmo
17. Uhh...About That Shower
"How much we piss in the shower. (Or that we do at all.)" —ElDiario
18. What He Fantasizes About
"We fantasize about other women. Not with any interest or intent to cheat, and certainly not because we're unhappy." —pyr666
19. That He's Insecure
"Dudes get literally zero affirmation about their appearance outside of their significant others. Most of us carry some level of insecurity about it." - nightshiftfox13
20. Just How Bad He *Really* Smells
"I personally run nuclear, spring and summer are horrendous if you're like me, because you are never cool no amount of deodorant will cover up the amount you sweat because of the heat." —Code-Void
21. That He Likes Quiet Time
"Sometimes we genuinely like quiet time and silence, and no it's not because we are upset or despise you. Usually, there is a lot going on in a day and silence is my decompression time, and I'll find it wherever I can. Pooping, any toilet time, sitting in the car a little bit, long showers, waiting before I drive somewhere. It really isn't you, I promise." —spacezoro
22. That He's Not Always Ready for Sex
"We are not 'always ready' for sex, however we agree to it even when we aren't to perpetuate this belief, because of the rarity of the female homosapien wanting to have/being ready for sex." —askeyword
23. What Happens When You Leave the House
"When you're going out and I say 'I'll miss you, too,' I'm just being polite. As soon as you're gone, the party begins. Cue video games, action movies, fast food, and whatever the hell else I want. Masturbation will also inevitably occur somewhere in between and is not limited to one single session." —Reizo123
24. That They Don't All Have the Same Taste In Women
"We're all different. We do not have the same taste in women. Just because you as a girl think some other girl is hot or you have a guy friend that thinks she is, does not mean I think she is!" —hiddendil
25. About That Pickle Jar...
"That it was difficult for us to open the pickle jar also." —R1ckjamesBitch
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