SMILE 4 ME

1" It's not about having a pretty face. The question is

"does it match with the colour of ur legs???

2" Stop crushing on people's boyfriend

Tell ur boyfriend to dress well ,eat balance diet

and avoid weed

3" Dangote - 7 letters.

Otedola - 7 letters

Adenuga - 7 letters.

Innoson - 7 letters

Abeg, what's that your name again?,??

4" Calling a fat girl Angel is wickedness.

Can she fly?

please call her Rock of ages

5" U asked for 2k, I no get. U went to your status and uploaded "Life is a Circle" even if life na Trapezium. I still no get.

6" Teacher: Text book is 1,500

Satan: Tell ur parents its 3,000

Me: Daddy our text book is 15,000 naira

Satan: Jesus!!

7" I pity men that argue with women.

How can you be arguing with someone wey water never touch her head for a month now?

8" Teacher: Give me an example of a business failure due to careless management??

Student: A prostitute getting pregnant.

Teacher: Leave my class !!!!!!!!!!!!!

10" Guys if ur girlfriend is beautiful without makeup

, u need to b paying her salary for natural beauty....

E no easy..

ladies is d volume ok?

11" No matter how scarcity of fuel

There must still be Traffic..

12" When you are in a hurry to the kill cockroach in your room......

how many times do you miss hitting it?

Me, i dey always leave am 4 God hand after i don tired

13" Big Brother is a Billionaire.

Laycon is a millionaire.

You that voted. What is that your account balance again???

14" My sister no man is perfect just choose your Demon nd keep pouring anointing oil on him

15" How can a native doctor tell me to bring 20k

In order to tell me who stole my bath room slippers

16" *Calling him 'Bro' when you know he's in love with you is another level of wickedness*

17" Clam down, Heart Break go reach everybody.... I just received mine....

18" Guys without beards where do you touch when you're thinking like a man...

Shebi it always feel as if u re rubbing watermelon

19" Stop taking pictures in peoples car and peoples gate.

Your village people will kill you for nothing thinking you have made it.

20" *You are dating a married man and you are upset cuz he saved your name with engine oil

My sister, are you not a service station?????

21" Date a girl you can afford, instead of making noise dah women love money

Do you like poverty?

22" *Some guys will be shouting I can't marry a woman that can't cook....

My guy, do you even have money for foodstuffs???

23" *Sister, keep clubing and smoking Weed with him

0ne day he will use you as a testimony on his wedding day*

#NB

If everyone on social media was quiet like u,,

Many will die of depression

So appreciate us dah take out of our time to entertain uu Mr n miss maturity

EVENING

The rate of armed robbery in this country is increasing. Most of us cannot afford money to buy guns to protect ourselves against robbers. That was how I decided to use my talent of barking as a bull dog to protect myself.

My neighbours know of this talent. I use it jokingly to tease visitors, who actually thought a bull dog was in our compound. Whenever I bark, the would run away and not come close. I was even planning to show this talent to the world. Not until this night. This very cold night.

Robbers visited our street. I was sleeping when my Landlord knocked at my door in the middle of the night. When I opened, I saw all my neighbours outside. They were shivering in the cold. Everyone looked scared.

"Wetin happen?" I asked.

They told me robbers were in the area. And they didn't have any security around. The local dogs in the area were not helping matters. They said since I could bark like a bull dog, I should help and bark so that the robbers will be scared to come in.

I quickly agreed. This was a time to actually use my talent of barking well. At first I started barking like a Local dog. Then graduated into a police dog. Minutes later I barked like a German Shepard, and then my favourite, the BullDog. The way I barked that night drew the attention of the robbers in our direction. They walked to our gate and started calculating whether to enter or not.

"I no want make dog bite me o." One of the robbers protested.

"Bros youno hear the kind dog wey the bark for inside? How much we wan collect from them seff. Let us go home. This kind dog the chop person o." Another robber spoke.

When I heard that, I increased the volume of my bark. I started grunting and barking at the same time. Come and see me that night like a lion. I was just showcasing my barking talent anyhow.

I was still barking when one of the robbers said to the other.

"This specie of dog is a rare breed bros. This dog fit cost over 1million naira if we catch am alive. If we bring im dead body alone na half a million naira be that - a whooping 500 thousand naira bros."

That was how my mouth shut up and started listening. I have always known my mouth will kill me one day. But I didn't know it was going to be this way.

Landlord opened his mouth and kept looking at me. The whole tenants listened as the robbers continued

"We no need their money. Na the dog we want. Make we enter and catch the dog, dead or alive finish. I am a veterinary doctor remember? I can handle the dog."

My stomach started turning me. The food I ate before sleeping missed road and entered my bladder.

When the robbers finally scaled the fence and landed in the compound, they were surprised to see all of us standing outside with our hands up.

"Where the dog? We no want money, we only want the dog."

"Oga dog has run." I quickly announced before anyone pointed at me.

The robbers asked us to lie down on the ground. They pointed a gun on the landlord head. Landlord who was already urinating in his trousers, quickly pointed at me.

"Oga sir. Na the dog be that. Na him be dog. Na him the bark since."

I never knew I could deny my talent like this until that day.

"Who be dog? Who bark? When I bark. Oga landlord stop this play o."

The whole robbers looked at me and bursted into laughter. One of the robbers walked to me boldly with his gun held in his hands.

"Human dog. Very interesting. So na you be the dog wey the bark shey?"

"No sir. God forbid bad thing sir. I be human being sir. I no resemble dog. I no bark."

I was about turning to the landlord to give him serious warning, when the person pointing a gun at his head corked the gun. Landlord lifted his voice and shouted out in terror.

"Oga wait, wait sir. This stupid boy is denying his talent. Na him be the dog wey the bark since. Praises o. Why are you doing like this. Bark before they kill me na. Bark for them. Bark small. Just small. Please."

"Landlord I am not a Barker. The dog have run. Dog don run be say e don run. Dog has vamus please. Leave me alone and let us face this robbery."

After administering serious beating to the landlord and other tenants, they left. The landlord gave me quick notice with immediate effect.

That was the last time I ever barked again.