Benedicta
Wants to meet Just Friends : People With A Heart For God And Humanity
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Benedicta
DATING POLL
~5.0 mins read
The dating landscape is not changing neither is it about to change, it has changed already. Women are no longer properties for men to purchase. As the world around us is evolving, millions of women all over the world are becoming more self-aware, they want equal rights and keep proving that their thoughts and opinions are valid with every chance they get.
The have a two-fold effect on the dating pool, first of which is woman having to choose who they want and creating standards, secondly it means men would have to meet these standards. Women are finally vocalising what they want in a man, what they require from him, how they want to be treated in their relationships and queens are determined not to settle for less.
If you are a guy and you are wondering why it has been hard for you to keep a woman lately, you barely get through a month in every new relationship before getting dumped, it might be because you were so engrossed in life that you did not noticed when the ground you were standing on shifted.
If you have not been able to adjust or catch up with the speed at which the dating world is moving, this is the right gear to use as we would be exploring on some of the traits women see as unattractive in a man.
EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY
It is really a sad thing that we pay less attention to our emotions when in essence, it is the bedrock on which every other aspect of our lives would thrive. You cannot build a thriving career when you keep breaking down, neither can you succeed as an entrepreneur when you cannot stand rejection and do not know how to handle pain.
Your level of emotional maturity shows in how well you are able to express yourself at every given time under different circumstances. It is our emotional maturity that helps us separate ourselves from our situations and stay reasonable no matter what.
Over the years, woman have experienced or seen their mothers, sisters, neighbours, etc suffer pain and sabotage themselves because they are married or dating men who cannot control their emotions. They get wild when they are angry and do things they regret but the harm or injury had already been inflicted.
Our society has so many men that do not know how to say what they really want to say in the best way that would communicate their true feelings without offending another person. And because they see that they are constantly being misunderstood, they choose to remain silent and let whatever thing that bothers them remain unspoken.
When you are with a child, you look out for them, you try to interpret what every frown mean and what they are trying to say when they cry but when you are with an adult, you expect them to communicate because they are old enough. That should explain why woman dump men who behave like children because a 30 years old baby is not cute at all.
UNRELIABILITY
Isn’t it a shame that in most families and societies women have become the strong men. While men are always looking for an exit. The reason is quite simple, when a woman is raising her child she focuses on the moment, what the child needs to grow and be better.
She is less concerned about whether the child might grow up one day and walk out on her while she is yet speaking, she is not bothered about that child being a pain in her life one day. She just focuses on building the child to the best of her ability. That is what men need to know and develop the habit of establishing and not running.
A man might meet a woman he wants but cannot make the commitment because he is afraid of losing himself to her, he is scared of the vulnerability that love demands, he is afraid she might dump him one day and that would be the end of him.
You keep thinking that way you will never build anything in this world because as soon as you enter into anything and find out that you would have to commit yourself to it, you would run away. No woman wants a man who she does not know his stand.
No woman wants to tolerate a man who is not sure of himself, no woman wants a man she cannot rely on to be there all the way. She wants to be sure that when you say you are in, you are in all the way.
LAZINESS
Tyler Perry’s Acrimony does justice to this point. How the woman was getting fed up with her husband sitting at home all day while she is out there in the streets working her butt out day and night trying to provide and keep everything together and going on.
Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who can provide. That is what keep birds glued to trees because it provides shelter and security for them, anything that would keep your woman glued to you is what you can provide for her. Even a woman with money wants a man who is willing to spend his money on her.
INSECURITY
The worst kind of slavery a woman can experience is being married to an unsecured man. Because he will always be threatened by your success especially if it keeps you in a better position than him. Women wants to be supported and all they want to hear when the clapping ends is the voice of their beloved saying I am proud of you.
That is why they work so hard because they want you to see them and acknowledge them, they are not doing all they do to make you feel less of a man but because somehow, they do not feel enough. Ever wondered why a woman with so many clothes keep buying more? Or why they spend so much money on skin care products?
It is because they do not feel they are enough and they do all they can just wanting somebody to approve them. Whether you know it or not your woman needs you to endorse her daily and not be threatened by her.
LEADERSHIP
No woman wants to be with a man she cannot respect or look up to for help when she is in distress of any kind. So as a man, sharpen your leadership skills, learn how to fix some things around the house yourself, learn how to calm an angry person down, learn how to console people and how to confront people.
Being able to lead is what would people follow you and not just the ability to lead but the discipline to lead correctly would keep them loyal.
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Benedicta
YOU JUST HAVE TO COMMUNICATE TO BE UNDERSTOOD
~4.0 mins read
So many people in the world are suffering for lack of communication. Their major setback is believing that they cannot be understood no matter how they try to express themselves.
And they just assume that nobody is interested in their stories and remain in their misery and worry about not been heard or not been seen as if there is anybody who listens to silence or anybody who sees what is hidden.
Communication problem is the mother of all other problems. It is the reason why teenagers leave home, it is the reason why mothers abandon their homes, it is the reason why Managers are downsizing, losing staff and losing money, it is the reason why Coaches lost their best players. It is the reason why lovers separate, it is the reason why people walk away from places, things and people even the ones they swore allegiance to.
And somehow you cannot blame them. Because if you cannot understand me then why are we here anyway?
But even at that the best way to walk away from anything is to walk away without regrets. That means you've done everything you can and there's nothing you could do that you didn't do to stay.
It is miscommunication that keeps Relationship Coaches and Therapist busy. When we can no longer communicate with our children, when we can no longer listen to our spouses, when we no longer understand their language anymore then we look for a Relationship Coach to pay them to tell us what our spouses is saying.
Then we go to a therapist to pay them to help us listen to our children.
Something a 30minutes heart to heart talk could fix end up costing us so much money because we want to communicate but we do not know the methods.
If you have read this article up to this point then I am sure you want to communicate better with your friends and families and I would be sharing some methods. Now, I am not saying these are the only ways to communicate with people but they are tested and trusted and have worked for many people.
LISTENING
When we talk about communication like this, we often think of talking and expressing ourselves to the other party but maybe you might need to take a pause and use this moment to ask yourself if you have listened and heard correctly.
I know we've all had those times where we sit with a person or group of people and many things were said but we didn't hear anything.
It was just like we watched the movement of the lips and saw how their hands moved as well but we cannot make any sense of what they're talking about.
When you listen passively, you are not communicating because at the end you're missing the point that person is trying to make. The best way to listen is to listen with intentionality. Don't just hear them but hear them correctly, to hear them correctly you might have to interrupt them to ask them if what you think they said is actually what they intend to say.
Because many times, perspectives are different so I could be saying one thing and 3 people are understanding it differently. So to make sure we are on the same page questions must be asked and answers should be given for clarity of expression.
ASK QUESTIONS
It has become a thing of a common place to say well everybody is entitled to their own opinion.
Yes, no doubt about that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But what I am asking is what do we do when our opinions conflict. What do we do when what you want is not what I want and what you believe is not what I believe?
Then it is at this point that we have to find a common ground that we can agree on and how to go about this is to ask ourselves the uncomfortable questions.
"Is this really what you want?"
"Why do you want it?"
Many times, we have seen that we just want certain things not for any special reason other than we just want them.
Asking ourselves why we want what we want could be the miracle we need in our relationships.
When we ask questions and give honest answers, what we are doing is creating room for the other person's perspective and emotions.
You're indirectly letting them know that you can accommodate them and your differences would not be a barrier.
TALK
Talk and not sulk. Do not assume the other person knows what he/she has done or said that is hurting you. Do not have conversations in your head with someone you can have actual conversations with.
The only way you can be heard is to talk. When you register your feelings to the other person, it is easier to deal with the problem than leaving them guessing what the problem is or if you just need space.
If you are not pleased with what they did or said say it immediately.
If you are not okay with what they didn't do or what they didn't say, tell them.
Telling people what they did directly would help you maintain a healthy relationship with people.
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