But everyday I sit down and tell strangers my situation before they even ask me, and in a moment where I am supposed to be pulling away and holding it all in, I see myself becoming more expressive, creating friendships and building trust. And just maybe these are the things that have been lacking in my life. 

Nobody tells us what grieve is. At first I think it is what humans do when they are sad. Only now I am beginning to see that grieve is deeper than sadness. You would be near correct if you call it an overwhelming despair. 

This is that kind that you can shake off easily, it is not what a single evening stroll can take away, it is not what another job can distract you from, it is not what your friends can even talk you out of. It is what you feel and feel deeply that only you know that only you can bring yourself out of it, but first you need to know why.

That is where the problem is, that you would never know why. And you tell yourself if I could just see why this is going on this particular way at this particular time I'd be better. But at that moment everything eludes you. And life itself seems so small at this point that it looks like you could just run your two palms together and crush it or just put it under your feet and stamp it and everything ends.

Grief swallows the largeness of life. Then you'd understand how easy it was for Heroes to commit suicide because at that point life seemed like a small dot in the middle of a large space of emptiness. It's easy to get rid of it because it is man's nature never to see the beauty in anything small.

And up till now I don't know if what we refer to as grief is the struggle to understand that dot and what is it doing in the midst of emptiness, or whether it is the total surrender to the emptiness itself that we become a part of it.

When you wake up each morning and try to shake yourself up but nothing is interesting anymore. This is when you look at all the people in your life and start to understand that grief is the worst form of loneliness.

Grief is exhausting and they call it a phase of life. But this phase even if it lasts for just 3days runs so long that it almost as if it's completing a cycle that is unending. 

Whether grief is the absence in our hearts as we mourn the death of a loved one, the abrupt end of a relationship or bitterness that lingers on after betrayal, I don't know.

Whether it is the anger of expecting so much or the regret of even trusting with all your heart, I don't know.

But in times like this we must find hope. Hope sometimes is hidden in failures and digging through all our failures to see hope could make one lost it even before it's found.

That is why you need someone to help you do that job. Have a friend that can help you dig through your failures when you can't. 

While we blame society for a lot of things, we ought to know that it is society that keep us alive.

There is something we don't want to talk about. It is how we demand things from people that we ourselves cannot give.

It is how we want to be treated in ways that we cannot reciprocate if asked to.

It is how we want people to give us chances and how we want to take up space in their lives even when we know that we are not enough to fill up that amount of space we want them to create.

What baffles me most is how we would turn around and say that we are hurting because we have been treated badly and shut out if their lives. 

We only talk about our side of the story but healing is in telling the story from their perspective. 

Until we deliberately choose to stand where they have stood, we might never see ourselves properly.

It is us who complain about people being crooked, wicked, hard to please and bitter and we go ahead saying we treat people thesame way they treat us then what are you, you end up being crooked, wicked, hard to please and bitter simply because you are trying to reciprocate an energy. 

You pick up their patterns and start learning their behavior till you forget it is not your policy and your perspective is different from theirs.

We all start behaving one way and acting thesame till it becomes the hypocrisy culture that we validate on social media with quotes and post.

And I want to ask what are you ? Another emotionally haunted being, another love starved individual, another hate driven talker, another I don't care what happens employee.

When we relate to people and ourselves we ought to have it in mind that we are on a journey. And every step is towards progress and everyday ought to make us better than the last.

It will be fine if who you are imitating is a complete version if themselves after all do not companies imitate finished goods. But not so with human beings.

That person you are reciprocating energy with is not where they want to be yet. So you're learning the behaviors of an unfulfilled man facing a hard life and you want your life to be better?

If you notice, since you started treating people the way they treat you, you just ended up with thesame problem as them. 

Do not pick up behavioural patterns of the lower version of someone else. It reduces who you are to that version you are learning.

Seek for ways to increase the quality of your life.