Fast forward years later I began to understand. And as I started understanding life I started to see other things that I didn't quite considered as a factor then. And now at this point I am between marrying a man I love or loving the man I marry.

When Regina Daniels made her choice of man to marry I judged her. I was among those who said "never" but now I understand why she did what she did. And anybody in her shoes might have done the same.

Before you protest please hear me out. From the moment we draw our first breath in this world, the desire of the people around us is that we succeed at life and this desire becomes our own from the moment we start to understand. It is the desire to succeed that makes you cry when you collect your result from elementary school and you see that your grades are low.

But as we continue to grow this desire evolves too and with time it becomes more than just getting good grades in school and watching all the Disney cartons while eating a box of chocolates.

You start desiring to be cherished by people. You want people to see you as something.

That's why I felt it when Nas said in an interview " I just can't grow up and be nothing"

Because you start seeing people who are at the top of their career and you want to be like them and wear what they wear and do what they do. You begin to see how people treat celebrities and you start to see that there is a very fine line between the rich and poor. And somehow the rich always have the fame. So you understand 50 Cent when he went "get rich or die trying" 

Your first understanding of what success is at this time might be wealth. When you're rich you're successful, so to be rich becomes a goal in your heart. You just want to make the money at all cost.

It is at this point that men go into a life a crime and girls want to fall for the man with the money because making money is not as easy as we think while growing up.

But we all have dreams and wish to actualize this dream with hope that it will give us all we want. The money, the fame, and the life we desire all in this dream then along the way a young lady finds a very rich man who says he wants to marry her.

She'd ask herself if everything she is doing after all is not to make money in the end then marrying this man is a short cut to getting all she ever wanted at a go.

And most of the time, the man she loves is not always ready to give her the life she wants so it's easier to love the man she marries.

But in all I hope the decisions we make in life lead us to the better place and we find true happiness and rich fulfillment in life.

We meet new people everyday, some we spend time with and others we just pass by barely noticing what colour of shirt they are wearing. And in all of the over 7 billion people in the world there is someone who is right for us.

Now I know many people do not believe in soulmates and much more have lost faith in love but what if it's true? What if there is truly a special someone out there for everyone of us who is the real match for our soul. Just what if there is a soul mate for every man.

The world has evolved so much and is still evolving. It used to be a man's world, where a man is never wrong, where a man has the right to marry whoever he wills, until women started evolving with the world too and the table turned without long notice. Women have started choosing the kind of life they want to live, they are everywhere now even rubbing shoulders with men in the career front.

Seeing such remarkable progress women can create, more women are encouraged to spread out their wings and soar too. 

This is win and a loss at thesame time, while women are making exploits, men are being threatened and it is difficult for a man to get a chance with some caliber of woman because they are either intimidated or despised by them.

Men who are natural leaders coupled with masculine ego that does not allow them to shy away from situations seeing how the table has turned would rather settle for women they feel they can handle than go for one they are scared would be too much for them.

This has led to the indecisiveness of the male gender when it comes to dating and marriage. They are scared to marry or date a girl who is too much and on the other hand they are also scared to marry or date a woman who is not up to standard. This indecisiveness is the reason for so many broken homes, relationship, marriages etc. For once a man feels he has found his match only for time to reveal to him that she is not what he wanted and he is too ashamed to tell her he made a mistake in choosing her for yet it reveals again another area of failure and his weakness so he disappears on her and withdraws and goes silent till she's tired and leaves. I do not in any way validate indecisiveness of the male gender on dating and marriage, as a matter of fact an indecisive man can never put his life together that is why we see so many men out of touch with themselves. They are just losing it.

How can a man find love? How can a man know he is with the right woman in this modern world?

A man would find love after he finds himself and is completely honest with himself. A man who knows who he is knows what he wants. This man is stable and confident. Nothing attracts the right woman for you like how you confidently wear your skin and be who you are regardless.

You know she is the right woman when she is okay with what she sees, not pushing you to be something you're not or trying to make you shrink to accommodate her.

You know you're with the right woman when all you do to please her is the best you can do and she is completely smitten by you. You do not have to sabotage your dreams to fit her description of a good man and you do not have to over work to hear a well-done from her.

You feel free and very comfortable talking with her and you're not ashamed to show her your flaws. She is the first person you want to call if you win and also the first you want to talk to if you lost. 

If you have a spouse who you cannot call when you lost because she would make you feel worse then she is not right for you and you need to get away from her.

A woman for you is that woman who stands close to your flames despite the heat of it, not because you want her to or even need her to but because she wants to be the first to see you when you come out of the fire refined. 

A woman for you is that woman who is always for you both in the good, in the bad and in the ugly.

A woman for you is that woman is just wants you first before anything else you have to offer.

Until you are sure of this woman do not engage, and if the woman you are with is not this woman, please disengage wisely.

We have no reason to be unhappy.