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Inside The Mind Of A Rapist: My Personal Experience About Rape

Inside The Mind Of A Rapist: My Personal Experience About Rape All Over The Social Media, Newspaper And Television, There Has ...

Constance 410

Inside The Mind Of A Rapist: My personal experience about rape

All over the social media, newspaper and television, there has been repeated cases of rape rising on a daily basis and the sad news about these similar reports are the children that fall victims of the situation. Children of different age,ranging from 5 months, 1 year and above that are not quite matured or knowledgeable of whatever thing that's happening in their environment left alone knowing what it means to be raped. I feel really bad whenever I get to hear some of these stories, It gets me wondering what the world is turning into.

People in their right state of mind destroying the lives of innocent young ones that are yet to grow. A lot cross my mind when I hear these stories, I think about the pain, the trauma and most importantly the brokenness left mind. Growing with such horrific experience is not quite easy to deal with especially when you lose your virginity through that process to total stranger. Seriously, thinking about it is depressing because the scar is always there no matter how long it has been. This leads to a lot damage in the person's personality whether male or female.

Adolescents worldwide often face tremendous sexual violence, a growing problem with traumatic experience. This has a long term impact on the health of victims, including physical injuries, emotional problems ( stress disorders, depression) and sexual dysfunction. It also leads to stigmatization of victims, sometimes resulting in rejection by families, friends and communities. There is no day in the country without a reported case of sexual violence especially rape in the media. Despite the rising cases of rape in Nigeria, there seems to be no end to the nemesis.

With current campaigns against rape and other forms of sexual abuse in the country, the state needs to rise to the occasion and deal with it.

Inside the mind of a Rapist

Audu Marfo Stephen

One of the most ignored causes of rape is pornography and here is why. There are so many types of porn content out there but what they do have in common is violence, resistance and submission. Nowadays, it is very rare to find porn content excluding all the above mentioned. I am saying this as a 16-year-old boy who has explored porn for some time now.

“Jack, an 11-year-old boy who was exposed to pornographic content and has been watching it for a very long time now. Jack’s porno addiction started when he was 12 and he is now 24 meaning Jack has been addicted to porn for about 12 years. During the 12 years of active porn experience, he has watched different types of porn. Some which are quite extreme and questionable like child pornography and many more because the old stuff was boring to Jack. Is society safe if Jack is around?”

People who get exposed to porn at an early age think that’s how sex works. They think the violence, submission and aggression are what happen in real life not knowing that it is all just at an act. The probability that Jack has had sex is quite high but the probability that what he sees in pornographic movies is what he is getting is low. To Jack women are object and there most obey if they don’t let them which leads to aggressiveness he sees being put into practices. A person like Jack plans their victims if they match what he watches and then he attacks. When the victim is resisting or in pain crying its part of the enjoyment (since most porn content shows that males should enjoy abusing females). Jack is not supposed to feel sorry because in the videos the males are not sorry but having fun.

Porn program the minds of the masses in sicking ways than what you can imagine. I know that porn is sometimes recommended by a therapist but that is not the same kind of porn that the “next generation” is watching. If law enforcement wants to minimize rape cases, access to porn not being easy should be one of the first steps. How women dress per my understanding is just an excuse for rape but not the cause

My personal experience about rape.

It happened in school when I was in my second year(200 level). I went to visit a friend at ifite tho we weren't close enough because he was trying to woo me then but I wasn't interested and I felt we are better off as friends that's if we actually are. I met in school library where he was working then while I was in 100 level so we later became friends and that was when I knew he was in Engineering final year . We didn't really talk much after I went to visit him in his logde for the first time which was when I met his younger brother that stays with him because he was around with his friend at my arrival. I started avoiding him a bit because he was pestering me with when next am I coming to visit him which I know there was no next time. I find it very difficult to visit someone in school left alone seeing a guy, I mean that's like a big deal for me so I kept on giving excuses here and there just to make sure his plans didn't. Fortunately, for me I mistakenly met him inside school and that period was when we were preparing for our second year examination and general studies exams were on going that same period too. He approached me and I couldn't avoid him rather than to greet him back and respond to his usual talks. He asked me to follow him to his place and I said no because I have plans already for day besides I came to school for a reason so I can't just abandon them and follow you for what. He said I was whining him and kind of dragged me to enter bus with him inside school but I kept insisting that I wasn't going to ifite unless it's next time so when the bus got to bus stand by then my mood has changed and I told him I wasn't coming down from the bus after awhile of trying to convince me he said ok let's go back inside school which was where I was going. We entered Keke back to MPH, he was like I should give him one of my belongings since I said I was going to come next time just to make sure I did come. I had to agree to make it seem like I was serious and I gave him my glasses but deep down I didn't really want to come see him and he knows just that I was tired of his repeated talks. When I was done with my plans for the day in school, I thought about going that the same to avoid procrastination so I decided to call him to let him know that I was coming because I needed to get my glasses (medicated glasses) back before going back to my hostel. We met at ifite then went together to his lodge, I guess that was the 3rd time I was visiting his place. We talked a bit before asking for my glasses because I didn't want to stay long and I wasn't that comfortable with him besides I planned not to stay long which was part of the reason why I came in the evening so I would say is late and I should start going but I didn't know he had a hidden agenda for me that day. He was delaying giving me my glasses saying he will still give it to me and that was pissing me off and I already told me that I want to going home to rest because I was coming from school to see him, at least I kept to my words. He was keen on making a conversation with me which I wasn't interested in, telling me to rest there on his bed since am tired so I suddenly got angry that I wanted to go and said that I will leave without my glasses if he doesn't want to give it to me. To cut the story short, I think he got angry at me too and dragged me on his bed, started touching me all over and was tried pulling my clothes, I was wearing trousers and blouse. I started begging him to stop, that I was sorry to whatever wrong I have done to him that I want to write my exams in peace but he need dear ears to all I was saying and told me that I was very stubborn, he will teach me a lesson, it seems like if he was begging me I will be doing shakara for him. I started shouting help to know if the neighbors will hear, he stood up to lock his room door, I ran to the balcony and jumped from the 4th floor to the 3rd floor of that building. While I was jumping he noticed and held me to pull me up... Check out my YouTube channel @Constance Adione for this video to get the full story of what happened to me.

Adione Constance

Selective Mutism (phobia, Trauma And Depression): My Life Is More Like A Research That Am Yet To Find Out.

These Past Few Weeks Has Been Something Else For Me, I Had A Lot On My Mind And A Lot Of Things To Do. The Funny Part Is Not Just ...

Constance 969

These past few weeks has been something else for me, I had a lot on my mind and a lot of things to do. The funny part is not just that I had a lot, I also fell sick (typhoid and malaria) which I treated and took my drugs but that was not all, I felt so depressed about the things going on in my life for a long time (My family).
This emotional stress I have been passing through has affected my life in a way generally tho i have it in control and which i still do but i had to see a psychologist because it got worse this month due to a recent family issues.

In my first year in school, I was so interested in psychology that I had to take a course in future learn on mental health nature and nurture which I later wrote an article on based on my on view but experiencing these things for real made me realise that I was actually correct with the solution I gave. http://travelwithcurrent.blogspot.com/2018/09/3-important-factors-that-influence-our.html.
I even had to go through some books and articles on psychology, personally on my own without minding it wasn't my course of study in school.
I was doing all these things based on interest without knowing how useful and important these actions will help and turn my life better. Sincerely, am grateful to God for bringing me this far and still amazed at myself and how things are working out for me just like that on its own. It might not sound like a big deal to you but it's to me because my life is more like a research that am yet to know and find out more about.

Recently in Nigeria there has been so many cases of depression and suicide in the country which is also one of the reasons why am serious with my research ( tho is personal research using myself as a case study) and also telling my story to let other people be aware of these things.
As it is for how many weeks now, I have been travelling for weekends from school back at home in order to see my therapist which I am supposed to travel again this weekend for my assessments and test.

All these while I was going through this (fighting my depression), it made me withdraw from school activities (eg school politics) and some social activities that I felt I couldn't keep up with so that I can try managing my circle including my studies.

One thing is recognising your problem and the other is finding a solution to it. All these cases of suicide due to depression should be controlled and eliminated in Nigeria. We have to learn to ask for help when we need it by seeing a psychologist if your depression is getting out of control, parents and guidance should also help in being cautious of their children and wards to know when these changes starts.

Meaning Of Selective Mutism.

Mutism by Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary is a medical condition in which a person is unable to speak.
Selective mutism is a disorder where a child doesn't speak in some situations because of phobia whereas the child can speak and understand spoken language. It can be a family and relative mutism, social or societal mutism. The disorder is more common in girls than boys and it starts at the early age to show some signs.

Phobia is a strong, persistent fear of certain situations, objects, activities or persons.

Phobia by Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary.
(1) A strong unreasonable fear of something.
(2) A strong unreasonable fear or hatred of a particular thing.

For example: A child can be comfortable speaking at home with family members and relatives but can't speak in school or social.
A child can be comfortable speaking in school or social gatherings but can't at home with family members and relatives.
A child can be comfortable speaking on phone but can't while face to face etc.

Causes.

The major cause of this disorder is phobia plus is genetically inclined(it can be social anxiety or other anxiety disorders) and life experiences. It is not caused by abuse or trauma. The important thing to know about this disorder is that the child doesn't choose to be silent because of fear which is beyond the conscious control.

Symptoms.

One major signs of this, is when a child being very shy and avoids speaking when talking is expected whereas there is no problem with speaking and understanding language. Also, when the child is often afraid or anxious of speaking because of embarrassment or saying the wrong thing.
It can lead to trauma and depression if not noticed or given attention to because children are vulnerable to trauma.

Trauma by Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary
(1) A mental condition caused by severe shock, especially when the harmful effects last for a long time.
(2) An unpleasant experience that makes you feel upset and anxious.
(3) An injury.

Children are vulnerable to trauma and some sources can be domestic violence or any violence at all, witnessing something shocking etc.

Symptoms of trauma:

Racing heart beat, fatigue, emotional outburst, mood swings, anxiety, anger, sometimes shaken and disoriented etc

Depression by Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary.
(1) Medical condition in which a person feels very sad and anxious and often has physical symptoms such as being unable to sleep etc.
(2) The state of feeling very sad and without hope.
(3) A period when there is little economic activity and many people are poor or without jobs.
(4) A part of a surface that is lower than the parts around it.
(5) A weather condition in which the pressure of the air becomes lower, often causing rain.

According to the latest figures released by the World Health Organization (WHO), Nigeria has been ranked as the most depressed in Africa showing that Nigeria has 7,079,815 sufferers of depression, that is 3.9 per cent of the population. Depression often follows stressful events that severely affect emotional wellbeing, such as marital problems, death of a loved one, illness, financial crisis and lots more. Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease, according to WHO.

Depression can lead to suicide, which is the second leading cause of death in 15 â€“ 29-year- oldâ€™s globally. There has been a dramatic rise in suicide cases in Nigeria of late which is widely reported and recorded by the media especially on social media videos and posts. While depression sometimes runs in families, many with the illness have no family history of depression. Hence, the exact causes of depression and mood disorders in general are still unconfirmed.

WHAT IS DEPRESSION?

Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects peoplesâ€™ mood, how they feel, the way they think and how they act. Fortunately, i believe it can't be cured but managed. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed by such people. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a personâ€™s ability to function at work and at home. Due to life challenges and conditions,one tends to break down at some point if not handled properly and sometimes leads to depression which is why it's managed and not cured because there is a possibility of repeated occurrance.

Common signs and symptoms of clinical depression may include:

Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness

Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports

Sleep disturbances, including insomnia (sleeplessness) or sleeping too much

Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort

Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain

Anxiety, agitation or restlessness

Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements

Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame

Difficulty with thinking, concentrating, making sound decisions and remembering things

Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide

We must not fail to note that these symptoms must last for at least two weeks to be considered relevant for a diagnosis of depression.

Also, some medical conditions (e.g., thyroid problems, a brain tumor or vitamin deficiency) can mimic symptoms of depression. Therefore, it is important that the medical care giver rules out general medical causes before making diagnosis for depression.

CAUSES OF DEPRESSION

The exact cause of depression is not known. Many researchers believe it is caused by chemical changes in the brain. This may be due to a problem with your genes, or triggered by certain stressful events. More likely, itâ€™s a combination of both.

But depression can also occur if you have no family history of the illness. Anyone can develop depression, even children.

The following may play a role in depression:

Alcohol or drug abuse

Certain medical conditions, including underactive thyroid, cancer, or long-term pain

Certain medications such as steroids

Sleeping problems

Stressful life events, such as:

Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend

Failing a class

Death or illness of someone close to you

Divorce

Childhood abuse or neglect or Job loss

Social isolation (common in the elderly

MANAGEMENT OF DEPRESSION

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy, or â€œtalk therapy,â€ is sometimes used alone for treatment of mild depression; for moderate to severe depression, psychotherapy is often used in along with antidepressant medications. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been found to be effective in treating depression. CBT is a form of therapy focused on the present and problem solving. CBT helps a person to recognize distorted thinking and then change behaviors and thinking.

Psychotherapy may involve only the individual, but it can include others. For example, family or couples therapy can help address issues within these close relationships. Group therapy involves people with similar illnesses.

Depending on the severity of the depression, treatment can take a few weeks or much longer. In many cases, significant improvement can be made in 10 to 15 sessions.

Pharmacotherapy

This involves the use of medication in the management of depression. The patients need to meet a medical expert for proper diagnosis and to prescribe the appropriate medication.

Adjunctive Therapies Can Come In The Form Of:

Self-help and coping: There are several things people can do to help reduce the symptoms of depression. For many people, regular exercise helps create positive feeling and improve mood. Getting enough quality sleep on a regular basis, eating a healthy diet and avoiding alcohol (a depressant) can also help reduce symptoms of depression.

Nutritional supplementation: Recent research has focused on the role of nutrition in the management of depression. We know that the production of neurotransmitters needs adequate amounts of nutrients. Among these nutrients, we mention amino acids (tryptophan, tyrosine, and glutamine), minerals (zinc, copper, iron, magnesium), and B vitamins (B6, B12, folic acid). These are found in whole grains (zinc, copper, magnesium), eggs, cheese, yogurt (tyrosine, glutamine, zinc, magnesium), beans, vegetables, especially green leaf ones, broccoli, cabbage, spinach, corn, fish, poultry, etc.

Amino acids are molecules the body needs to produce the neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine(chemicals responsible for mood regulation. i.e feel good chemicals). These neurotransmitters are responsible for modulation of moods and are therefore essential in the management of depression.

I was going through my quora digest today and found this story. After reading it, I felt like is connected to this topic and I decided to share the story here.

What is the saddest parenting advice you've gotten from another parent?

Kyli Mankey, Cook/Bar Back (2014-present)

Answered Apr 25

Last week it was especially nice outside for a spring day. I decided to take my newborn son ( he is three months old) for his first walk in the stroller his grandma got for us to use. So my friend came over, it was early evening just after dinner time, and we went for a walk on the paths that wind through the addition i live in, with my little boy relaxing in his stroller, all of us enjoying the sun and light breeze.

There were alot of people out walking through the neighborhood this evening, and it was nice seeing everyone out and about enjoying the weather and chatting with neighbors about this or that topic. about halfway through our walk, i wanted to hold my little boy while walking, instead of having him ride in the stroller. Now, he wasnt fussing or crying, i just wanted to hold have him in my arms for while and enjoy his snuggles in the gorgeous weather.

My friend teased me about not using the stroller, asking if she could instead take his place and be pushed around by me for the rest of the walk. But her teasing was all in good fun, more about wanting to be pushed around in the nice weather than anything else. We were looking at some of the new trees that the additions association had planted when a woman who lives a couple houses down from me stopped to chat awhile.

I wont say her real name here, so we shall call her Anne. Anne is a nice and friendly woman in her late 40s or maybe early 50s who lives with her husband and their two dogs. Their children range in age from late teens to mid 20s, and i think only one of the kids still live at home.

Well in the middle of the convo she makes mention that she noticed i took my son out of the stroller to hold him while we walked, and proceeded to tell me that babies should not be held all the time, and how parents need to avoid picking the child up anytime he or she starts to fuss or cry. I stood there kind of dumbfounded as i was basically being scolded by this woman because in her eyes i was holding my child too much and how i needed to learn to let them just sit or lay around so that i am not giving them too much attention, like she did with her children. She was telling meâ€¦â€¦.that it was basically bad to give my newborn son love and attention, that i was apparently holding him and cuddling with him too much. Her babbling rant ended when she pointed out how she made sure to never hold her children â€œtoo muchâ€ when they were babies and how they turned out just fine.

By now i am starting to get livid, but not wanting to cause a scene or to blow up on this woman, especially not our in public like this. My friend helped out greatly here by assuring her that i am doing a great job in raising my child and that there was nothing for anyone to be worried or concerned about, then we walked away. I was mad because i felt that this woman had no right to tell me how much i should be or should not be holding my child, that i was showing him too much love, attention, and affection.

As we walked away though, something else struck me and it made me sad. She may have claimed that all of her children turned out fine, but in reality that isnt the case. All four are struggling with addiction problems, one is currently in prison for his 5 or sixth DWI charge in like 3 or 4 years, one just got out of jail a month or so ago for getting drunk and beating his girlfriend up, their daughter is a sweet girl not much younger than I am, but is a wreck and mess especially in the relationship department. This girl falls head over heels for any guy that shows her any bit of attention, even if it isnt the best type of attention if you understand me. She is attractive as well, so she gets attention from men wherever she is, and it is only now after hearing what her mother said that i think i understand at least some part of the source of these peoples problems.

By the time we got back to my house, and while i was getting a bottle warmed up to feed my little son, it honestly saddened me to think and realize that this woman was so worried about damaging her children by showing them too much love and attention, in some strange attempt to perhaps avoid having them grow up spoiled children or whatever, that in reality she probably caused much worse damage to each and every one of them by starving them of the love and affection that they so desperately wanted and needed.

Love your children, tell them you love them, show them that you love them, hug them, hold them, play with them because i honestly do not think that you can ever give a child too much love and affection, especially when they are little babies and the world is this huge new confusing and scary place.

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These things are very important and social awareness are needed to let people know about this problems. Some are going through the same issue but aren't aware of what is exactly their problem. The word Selective mutism isn't common in the world or rather in Nigeria unlike depression but people tend to forget that depression is just an after effect of a cause.

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