A perverse manipulator; deceit and deceit are the daily bread of all those who make manipulation an art, a lifestyle whose ultimate goal is to annihilate the other. These are spiders that weave their web well, waiting for the next victim.

The perverse manipulator act through manipulation and deception to make their victim perform actions that are exclusively beneficial to the manipulator alone. They take advantage of others for selfish purposes. These manipulators feel no guilt for what they do as everything is aimed at satisfying their ego. They manipulate the love victim with false tenderness, and after having conquered him/her they feed on them in a selfish ways. The victims are undermined and weakened in their weak points and, consequently, they plunge into a negative spiral from which they do not escape without trauma. 

How to identify a perverse manipulator

The clue that makes us understand if we are dealing with a perverse manipulator is the feeling of suffocation, the constant presence of criticisms, insinuations, sarcasm which have as final purpose to destroy the self-esteem of the victim up to the inability to live. The manipulator enjoys the humiliation of others and will never want to question himself, they do not accept any criticism, and they prefer to criticize and accuse rather than confront each other in an adult and mature way.

The tools of manipulation

The most common manipulation tools are:

Tool 1: Emotional blackmail and threats 

This is an effective bargaining chip, that is subtle at times imperceptible, but in the long run one gets the impression of being imprisoned in a relationship mode that does not give freedom of choice since every gesture is evaluated and measured according to personal selfish gains.

Tool 2: Lies and flattery

When compliments and appreciations arrive in quantity and limited in time, your manipulator most likely wants to get something from you. It is essential to remember the difference between affection and kindness, the first is a deep feeling, the second is a behavior that does not necessarily coincide with a genuine feeling.

Tool 3: Denigration 

It is a continuous and meticulous process, aimed at denigrating the partner, undermining their self-esteem by restoring a negative self-image that over time will end up making its own.

Tool 4: Intrusiveness 

It involves the manipulator always imposing his/her self in the victim's place and meddling in his/her choices and decisions without taking the victim's point of view into consideration.

Tool 5: The back to the wall

It is the technique that closes the dialogue by highlighting the contradictions of the arguments, manipulating their victims in such a way as to make the other pass as an incoherent person with unclear ideas.

Tool 6: Induced dependence

It includes both emotional and material dependence, both aiming at weakening and undermining the autonomy and independence of the partner by highlighting their weaknesses and errors.

If in any way you recognize one of these behaviours in anyone you are dealing with, begin to think that you are dealing with a perverse manipulator and immediately run for cover. You can also get this Free eBook to help you understand manipulations and how to avoid them.