You have made efforts to ensure you have a better love life but it all seems to be futile. Often, most people want intimacy but always fail at it.

Most people are afraid of being alone and at the same tome afraid of intimacy.

Below are some reasons and ways to tell you are afraid of intimacy. It is possible you are not aware you are.

Your actions are different from your intentions

The way we create distance in a relationship is different for each of us and is typically heavily informed by our attachment history. A person with a dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern may be aloof toward the needs of another person, in particular a romantic partner.

This attitude might often be as a result of past relationships, heartbreaks or even family history. A person who was neglected while growing up might find it difficult to show love to a romantic partner.

partner.

This attitude might often be as a result of past relationships, heartbreaks or even family history. A person who was neglected while growing up might find it difficult to show love to a romantic partner.

Getting to know our attachment history can offer us tremendous insight into our patterns and understanding of our behaviors. Yet, as we’re examining our relationships in real-time, it’s valuable to identify the moments when our actions don’t match our idea of what we want. You can tell someone you love them and your action says otherwise. When this happens, your partner might pull away while you keep wondering what the issues are.

Your feelings always shift

There are some people who get tired of relationships and suddenly change their behaviours towards their partner. One minute, you are on a date with someone, laughing and feeling a sense of excitement, the next morning you are second-guessing and talking yourself out of your feelings. This is often because being connected to someone else also connects us to our fears around loss and the pain of not having felt that love in the past.

You always find excuses for your bad behaviours

When your partner points out issues in the relationship, you always have an excuse or a reason for being difficult. Once you constantly find excuses, it becomes difficult to apologise and this will subsequently affect your relationship. Instead of running away from the major issues, it is important to face them, they also help you get better.

The more we understand our fear of intimacy, exploring its source and challenging the behaviors it inspires, the more we can grow and develop in ourselves and our relationships.

We can expand our capacity to give and receive love. And we can enjoy the lasting closeness and connection we say we want.

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Not only that, but society has also encouraged feelings of sexual shame, making romantic and intimate sex a scary endeavor to even talk about.

In an online study of 70,000 people in 24 countries, researchers found couples who have a great sex life make sex a priority rather than the last item of a long to-do list. They create space for intimacy and connection. These couples talk about sex and put the relationship first, despite the demands of work and kids. They discover sexual pleasure through a variety of methods, not just intercourse.

Here are three ways you and your partner can make sex more romantic in your relationship.

Master the art of intimate sex talk

The fact that you and your partner can’t have intimate conversations about sex is not good for your sex life. Having sex talks with your lover helps to deepen your intimacy and emotion connection while also learning your likes and dislikes when it comes to sex.

Redefine “sex”

We all have a unique attitude towards sex usually shaped by our individual life experiences. Sex should be about passion rather than achieving a goal like reaching orgasm or mastering a technique. Goal-orientated sex can create sexual dysfunction when the goal isn’t reached as you are more likely to feel like there’s something wrong with you. When you make your sex about passion, then the pressure and shame of not performing to an expectation is gone as you no longer have to feel self-conscious. In other words, simply enjoy the experience as this will make things more pleasurable for both you and your partner. Ironically, not being stressed about having an orgasm makes it easier to have one.

Have a mental erotic love map

Building a mental erotic love map guides you on your partner’s sexual likes and dislikes to help you create a great sex life. Don’t be shy to ask specific questions about what they enjoy and don’t, what they want to try out and what makes them feel uncomfortable. Sample questions can be, What felt good about sex last time? What did we do that caused you to feel closer and connected to me? What did we do that made you relax? What did we do that turned you on? What do you need to make sex better for you? What makes sex more like lovemaking for you? What are fantasies or thoughts you have during sex?

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