Health And LifestyleNews And PoliticsArts And EducationBusiness And MoneyRelationship And MarriageScience And TechnologyCommunications And EntertainmentFamily And HolidaysSports And FitnessPersonal Care And BeautyMotivationalsEntertainmentNigerianewsUSMLE And MedicalsReligion And PrinciplesIT And Computer ScienceWorldnewsRelationshipsFamilyGeneralAnnouncement
Caster
Business Person
Wants to meet Business Partners : Hit Me Up If You Have A Business Deal
Articles
130
Followers
25
profile/1937Screenshot_20220413-132311_Instagram.jpg
Caster
How To *really* Know Youre In Love
~9.4 mins read
If you try to Google “how to know you’re in love,†you’re gonna have a bad time
Because it’s mostly shit advice.
Here’s a small sampling:
“They’re always on your mindâ€
This is infatuation.
If someone’s “always†on your mind, you’re not focused on other Really Important Things. And that’s a problem.
Real love fits into real life, rather than usurping it. It’s calm, not overwhelming.
“You crave them†or “can’t get enough of themâ€
See above.
“They’re your ‘everything’â€
Ditto.
“You see them in your futureâ€
“When I imagined my future job/location/adopted dog, they were always in the background of my imagination helping me out with whatever I was doing. My future just didn’t really make sense without them around.â€
Well, I mean, damn. You fantasize long and hard enough, you can see anything in your future — like I could imagine moving to Switzerland to be a goat farmer. That doesn’t mean I should.
The problem is that we’ve made “love†into a game of escapism, and measure potential partners by how they fit into that fantasy. That’s not love.
So, sure, see them in your future — but not because they “complete the picture.â€
“They’re the person of your dreamsâ€
See above.
“You always want them aroundâ€
Ha. Hahaha. Clearly you have never been in a (healthy) long-term relationship.
You should usually want to see bae. But love isn’t always wanting to. Sometimes you need a minute. Sometimes you need to work or do other things. Or, damn, just be.
Don’t think it’s not love just because sometimes you want space.
“You’ll do whatever it takes to impress them.â€
Well. That’s scary.
Y u tryin so hard? Loving isn’t “impressing.â€
“You’re scaredâ€
“Of losing her, of never being with another woman… the list goes on.â€
Healthy love doesn’t involve fear of loss. That’s attachment.
It also doesn’t involve fear of “never being with another woman.†I don’t even know what that is. Low self esteem? Lack of conviction?
“You’re jealousâ€
This is attachment again, not mature love.
“They’re beautiful.â€
This is self-love, not love. (Also: you’re an idiot.)
“They’re kind.â€
Well. Glad you’re getting your emotional needs met.
But this just means that they are deserving of love. It doesn’t mean that you are loving them.
“You just knowâ€
Well. Thanks for the most unhelpful advice ever.
To everyone who’s ever said this: y tho? pls stahp.
Don’t perpetuate nonsense and call it “romance†just because you don’t have suitable answers.
Tread lightly with:
“They’re the best part of your dayâ€
“Seeing my girlfriend is always the highlight of my day.â€
The difference here is probably what the rest of your day looks like.
Good: If you’re happy with your life and your partner adds to it, then congrats. You win.
Bad: If you’re unhappy and using your partner as an oasis, then you need to get your shit together.
“You prioritize themâ€
Good: you actually care about their wants and needs, and prioritize them in a way that doesn’t tear you down
Bad: you compromise your own wants and needs, or base your value on your ability to “keep them happy.â€
How to know you LIKE them as a person:
They’re different than everyone else
Rad for them
You like more than their looks
Congrats, there may be hope for you yet.
You want them to be happy
Great. I want happiness for most people.
You’ll try new things with them
You found someone with whom you’re comfortable, and whose company you enjoy. Good on you.
They inspire you to be a better person
Role models have that effect on us, too. That doesn’t mean we love them.
How to know you LOVE them:
(1) You know because you decide
You don’t feel love. You DO it. It’s an act, not a feeling. It’s a moment by moment decision and re-commitment. You know because it’s deliberate and conscious.
(2) You know because you DO the act of loving
You invest. You exert effort.
You don’t knowingly do harm. You aren’t vengeful, petty, manipulative, or jealous. Their needs never seem irritating. You aren’t grabby with them, their time, or their affection in return. You are secure without demanding constant reassurance.
You prioritize their viewpoints. You learn their love language. You think in terms of their interests, not yours, and their needs are your own. You support them. You back them. You care and take care. You accept, and you allow.
(3) You know bc you do the act of loving even when you don’t want to
Because everyone thinks they’re in love when it’s clear skies and calm waters, but watch them when the storm hits.
You know because you love even when you’re pissed. It’s love if you don’t “fight;†you disagree.
You love if your objective is reaching an agreement, not picking a winner.
You love if you don’t get defensive, insecure, or manipulative. If you don’t keep score. If you don’t hold grudges. If you don’t “take back your love†as punishment.
You love if you seek to understand before being understood; listen and honor what they share — and you don’t double down with your own issues. If you act like you’re on the same team. You listen. You compromise. You apologize. You forgive.
You know because you love even when you’re hurt. Especially honoring and respecting their wants and needs even when they include “breaking up.â€
What we should really be Googling is “how to love,†not “how to ‘know’ we’re in love.â€
We like to differentiate between “being in love with†and “loving†someone. But “being in love with†is infatuation, and infatuation means nothing in getting real love.
So if what you want is real love, then “how to†is all that matters.
You “know†because you decide. It’s love when you do it. All the time.
profile/1937Screenshot_20220413-132311_Instagram.jpg
Caster
How Often Should Couples Have Sex In Relationships?
~3.1 mins read
It’s 7:58 p.m. on a Friday night, almost prime time, and you’re surfing through television channels to find a good show to watch. You pick a show and it abruptly opens to the aftermath of a one night stand. Two strangers wake up, late to work, scrambling to get dressed amidst the empty beer bottles, cigarette butts, and scattered clothing from the night before.
Scenes like this are strategically plastered all over television, magazines, advertisements, and the internet to constantly keep our minds fixated on sex and to desensitize us to the cheap over-sexualization of modern-day society. You start to wonder, “How often do people really have sex?”
How Much Sex Is Normal or Healthy?
There’s no right or wrong answer to this question, and the media may skew our views as to what a “healthy” amount of sex is. Many factors affect how often people have sex, including their age, health, stress, mood, and sexual desires.
Healthy sex life can strengthen your bond with your partner and help keep your relationship healthy. Sex also provides numerous health benefits, such as boosting your mood, lessening stress, strengthening your immune system, lowering your blood pressure, reducing pain, and helping fight heart disease. That being said, only you and your partner can decide how much sex is right for both of you.
Studies show that regularly having sex is a more important factor in keeping a happy relationship than money.1 Most couples typically have sex once a week.2 This helps keep an intimate connection and gives the feeling of having an active sex life, but it still allows time for anticipation and spontaneity, as sex feels more like a special experience than a daily routine.
Having sex more than once a week typically makes couples feel just as happy as if they had sex only once a week. The happiest couples and most stable relationships have sex approximately as often as they want to have sex.
Most men and women feel that a satisfying sex life improves their overall quality of life, but it doesn’t play a crucial role in their happiness. About 90 percent of men and women agree that "a good relationship with a spouse or partner is important to quality of life," and around half of men and women feel that even though sex gives them pleasure, it’s not a necessary part of a good relationship.3
Around half of men and women in heterosexual relationships are content with how often they have sex with their partners. The other half of men are dissatisfied with the amount of sex they’re having usually because they want more sex. About two-thirds of unsatisfied women are in the same boat.4 Since men tend to think about sex and feel sexual desire more than women do, men are about eight times more likely to self-stimulate.3
Common Factors That Play a Role in Sex Drive
Age and health also play a crucial role in determining your sex drive. As the years go by, sexual problems can develop, including erectile dysfunction, a loss of interest in sex, anxiety about performance, and trouble climaxing. As health problems begin to manifest over the years, sex often gets put on the back burner.
It’s very possible to have sex well into your 80s, as almost 40 percent of men between the ages of 75 and 85 have sex with a partner, especially thanks to a variety of erectile dysfunction drugs readily available to lend a helping hand.
Alternatives to Sex
Masturbation is common as 63 percent of men age 50 and older do it. 43 percent of men and 36 percent of women in this age group have a sexual arrangement with someone other than their spouse or long-term partner.5 Masturbation or infidelity can become an alternative to sex, especially if difficulty or discomfort exists with intercourse in the relationship.
The Importance of Quality Over Quantity
The quality of the sex you’re having is much more important than the quantity. Men’s happiness tends to come more from the physical aspects of sex, while women’s happiness comes more from the emotional aspects.
The most important thing in your relationship is to talk to each other about your sexual desires and keep the lines of communication open. If you want to have sex more frequently or spice things up between the sheets, let your partner know. Communication, not sex, is the lifeline that your relationship needs to survive.
Scenes like this are strategically plastered all over television, magazines, advertisements, and the internet to constantly keep our minds fixated on sex and to desensitize us to the cheap over-sexualization of modern-day society. You start to wonder, “How often do people really have sex?”
How Much Sex Is Normal or Healthy?
There’s no right or wrong answer to this question, and the media may skew our views as to what a “healthy” amount of sex is. Many factors affect how often people have sex, including their age, health, stress, mood, and sexual desires.
Healthy sex life can strengthen your bond with your partner and help keep your relationship healthy. Sex also provides numerous health benefits, such as boosting your mood, lessening stress, strengthening your immune system, lowering your blood pressure, reducing pain, and helping fight heart disease. That being said, only you and your partner can decide how much sex is right for both of you.
Studies show that regularly having sex is a more important factor in keeping a happy relationship than money.1 Most couples typically have sex once a week.2 This helps keep an intimate connection and gives the feeling of having an active sex life, but it still allows time for anticipation and spontaneity, as sex feels more like a special experience than a daily routine.
Having sex more than once a week typically makes couples feel just as happy as if they had sex only once a week. The happiest couples and most stable relationships have sex approximately as often as they want to have sex.
Most men and women feel that a satisfying sex life improves their overall quality of life, but it doesn’t play a crucial role in their happiness. About 90 percent of men and women agree that "a good relationship with a spouse or partner is important to quality of life," and around half of men and women feel that even though sex gives them pleasure, it’s not a necessary part of a good relationship.3
Around half of men and women in heterosexual relationships are content with how often they have sex with their partners. The other half of men are dissatisfied with the amount of sex they’re having usually because they want more sex. About two-thirds of unsatisfied women are in the same boat.4 Since men tend to think about sex and feel sexual desire more than women do, men are about eight times more likely to self-stimulate.3
Common Factors That Play a Role in Sex Drive
Age and health also play a crucial role in determining your sex drive. As the years go by, sexual problems can develop, including erectile dysfunction, a loss of interest in sex, anxiety about performance, and trouble climaxing. As health problems begin to manifest over the years, sex often gets put on the back burner.
It’s very possible to have sex well into your 80s, as almost 40 percent of men between the ages of 75 and 85 have sex with a partner, especially thanks to a variety of erectile dysfunction drugs readily available to lend a helping hand.
Alternatives to Sex
Masturbation is common as 63 percent of men age 50 and older do it. 43 percent of men and 36 percent of women in this age group have a sexual arrangement with someone other than their spouse or long-term partner.5 Masturbation or infidelity can become an alternative to sex, especially if difficulty or discomfort exists with intercourse in the relationship.
The Importance of Quality Over Quantity
The quality of the sex you’re having is much more important than the quantity. Men’s happiness tends to come more from the physical aspects of sex, while women’s happiness comes more from the emotional aspects.
The most important thing in your relationship is to talk to each other about your sexual desires and keep the lines of communication open. If you want to have sex more frequently or spice things up between the sheets, let your partner know. Communication, not sex, is the lifeline that your relationship needs to survive.
Advertisement
Link socials
Matches
Loading...