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Questions To Ask A Guy Or Girl Over Text

These questions to ask a guy or girl over text are great because chatting with someone over text is a lot different from talking with them in person. So a lot of conversation questions just don’t quite work in a medium that begs for short responses. No long detailed stories. Nothing too deep or heavy. And forget anything too emotionally loaded unless you are an emoji master.

So I’ve put together this list of questions that work a lot better with a phone in hand and access to the internet. Lots of short back and forth answers that are pretty light. Plus questions that focus the conversation on something that can be easily shared while texting, like photos, videos, websites, etc.

Questions to ask a guy or girl over text list
If you are stuck thinking of questions to ask a guy or girl over text or you just need some ideas to build on we’ve got you covered. Take a look and enjoy! I’m sure you’ll find some of them really useful!

1. What’s your “go to” video or gif for a laugh?
A great way to get a good laugh and have something common to talk about, both now and in the future. Plus you get to see how much their sense of humor matches yours. And if you’ve got some great funny videos tucked away, you can share some of them.

2. Where’s your favorite place to get take away or delivery from?
If you know the place and like it, you can talk about how good it is. If you don’t know it, give it a shot and you’ll have something to talk about next time you text them!

3. What song do you play most often?
Great for getting to know their musical taste and seeing how well it matches up with your own. Plus everyone is passionate about the music they love and chances are they will be more than happy to talk a lot about it.

4. What’s your favorite quote from a movie?
A question that begs for back and forth movie quotes from their and your favorite movies. Plus it’s really easy to branch off and start talking about what movies they like.

5. What’s your “go to” joke?
Everyone loves to laugh, and everyone has at least one joke they know by heart. And you’ll also be able to tell them a few jokes as well. If you are like me and can’t remember many jokes, try the jokes subreddit. Just sort by top / month or week.

6. What song has the best intro?
Another question that works well on a phone because after they let you know you can look it up on your phone and have a listen. Then come back and tell them what you thought about it.

7. What is the scariest non banned item you could take on to a plane?
This is more of a creative one. But great for some back and fourth as you both think of scary non banned items. (e.g. parachute, voodoo doll in pilot uniform, full clown outfit, etc.)

8. What’s the (funniest / most disappointing / weirdest / etc.) text you’ve gotten?
This one probably isn’t a good one to lead with, but it’s great after you’ve texted for a bit and need something else to talk about.

9. What is your favorite meme?

Everyone has at least one meme that they really like. You can find out their’s, who know’s maybe it’s the same as yours! Also a great way to get a conversation going solely through memes which is always fun.

10. How many questions can you answer in just pictures?
(then proceed to ask a bunch of generic questions, might I suggest this list of 250 questions?)

This one is more of a game really. You ask general, generic questions and they try to answer only through images. Quite fun if they are up to it. It’s like a treasure hunt. But I probably wouldn’t lead with this one, good for later and if they are in a playful mood.

11. What is the most interesting thing you have on you or near you right now? Send me a pic of it.
A unique way to find a new topic to talk about. And you’ll also get an idea of what kinds of things they find interesting.

12. What app on your phone do you think I should get?
This kind of depends on how into apps they are. But everyone has two or three apps that they can’t live without. If you’ve got the one they suggest, then you can talk about what you think about it. If you don’t, well now you’ve got a new app you can check out.

13. What’s the best photo you’ve taken?
Time to give them the chance to show off. We’ve all got pictures that we’ve taken that we really like. Now you get to compliment them on their pride and joy. Definitely a solid question to ask a girl or guy over text.

14. What’s the worst text that you accidentally sent?
Embarrassment is a powerful emotion and if they’ve got a story they are willing to share then that will bring you both a little closer. It’s great to empathize with them and if it isn’t too bad you can do some good natured teasing.

15. What thing do you really wish you could buy right now?
Great because they can send you a link to the product they want and you can check it out. Now you’ve got something to talk about that they are really into.

16. What’s the funniest thing that someone could spend money on / buy on the internet?
Similar to the above question because they can send you the link, but this one takes a little more creativity. Often this one leads to a hilarious stream of funny products and services.

17. What’s the funniest picture you have on your phone?
Similar to earlier video question, and great for the same reason. It gives you something you can both talk about. You could also narrow it down and say the funniest picture of you on your phone.

18. What dumb pickup lines do you know?
Everyone knows some dumb / funny pickup lines. And this question is a great way to get a good back and forth of funny pickup lines going.

19. What are some unwritten rules?
This one is a little bit different than the rest. You could take it in a couple of directions, like unwritten rules between friends or you could go with society at large.

But like many of the other questions to ask a boy or girl over text, it’s great because it’s perfect for back and forth texting as you both think of new rules.

20. What happens in real life but rarely gets portrayed in movies?
Here is another one that might take a little bit of creativity. You can also easily flip it around and ask what happens in movies all the time but rarely happens in real life.

21. What isn’t real but you desperately wish it was?
This one is just fun to answer. Everyone likes to fantasize about the amazing stuff they wish existed.

22. What’s the best “hidden gem” that you’ve found?
Who doesn’t like sharing cool stuff they found? It can be a band, a website, something they bought, really anything. You can let them know it doesn’t have to be really unknown. It can be just something they stumbled across.

23. What’s the silliest thing you are passionate about?
We’ve all got our passions that are less than productive, they keep us sane. And this is a great way to see what they are really into. Something that they might not let everyone know about.

24. What do you hate / love most about your phone?
I’m sure you have a love / hate relationship with your phone, and they probably do too. It can be a general thing like it takes up too much of my time, or a specific feature like the fingerprint scanner.

25. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve seen online recently?
This one is another one that will give you both something common to talk about. And it’s easy for them to send you a link to the ridiculous thing so you can check it out.

So that’s it! I hope you’ve enjoyed this list of questions to ask a guy or girl over text. Hopefully you found at least a few questions that will work for you.

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The Psychology Of Romantic Love

The Psychology of Romantic Love
By Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

Most everyone wants to fall in love, especially codependents. To us, love is perhaps the highest ideal, and relationships give our lives meaning and purpose. They enliven and motivate us. A partner provides a companion when we have difficulty initiating action on our own. Being loved also validates our sense of self-esteem, overcomes shame-based doubts about our lovability, and soothes our fears of loneliness. But too often a beautiful romance turns sour. What was a wonderful dream becomes a painful nightmare. Ms. Perfect or Mr. Right becomes Ms. or Mr. Wrong. The unconscious is a mighty force. Reason doesn’t seem to stop us from falling in love, nor make it any easier to leave! Even when the relationship turns out to be toxic, once attached, ending the relationship is as hard as falling in love was easy!

The Chemistry of Romance and Falling in Love
Our brains are wired to fall in love — to feel the bliss and euphoria of romance, to enjoy pleasure, and to bond and procreate. Feel-good neurochemicals flood the brain at each stage of lust, attraction, and attachment.  Particularly dopamine provides natural high and ecstatic feelings that can be as addictive as cocaine. Deeper feelings are assisted by oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” released during orgasm. It’s directly linked to bonding and increases trust and loyalty in romantic attachments.

The Psychology of Romantic Love — Whom We Find Attractive
Psychology plays a role, too. Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. Experiences, both positive and negative, impact our choices and make someone appear more or less attractive. For example, we might find commonality attractive, but avoid someone who cheated on an ex if that has happened to us before. We’re attracted to subtle physical attributes, albeit unconsciously, that remind us of a family member. More mysterious, we can be attracted to someone who shares emotional and behavioral patterns with a member of our family even before they become apparent.

The Ideal Stage of Romance
It’s true that we’re blinded by love. Healthy idealization is normal and helps us fall in love. We admire our beloved, are willing to explore our partner’s interests, and accept his or her idiosyncrasies. Love also brings out parts of our personality that were dormant. We might feel manlier or more womanly, more empathic, generous, hopeful, and more willing to take risks and try new things. In this way, we feel more alive, because we have access to other aspects of our ordinary or constricted personality. Additionally, in early dating, we’re usually more honest than down the road when we become invested in the relationship and fear speaking our truth might precipitate a breakup.

Although, healthy idealization doesn’t blind us to serious warning signs of problems, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept behavior that is disrespectful or abusive. The neurochemicals of romance can lift our depressed mood and fuel codependency and love addiction when we seek a relationship in order to put an end to our loneliness or emptiness. When we lack a support system or are unhappy, we might rush into a relationship and become attached quickly before really knowing our partner.  This is also referred to as “love on the rebound” or a “transitional relationship” following a breakup or divorce. It’s far better to first recover from a breakup.

The Ordeal Stage of Romantic Love
After the initial ideal stage, usually starting after six months, we enter the ordeal stage as we learn more things about our partner that displease us. We discover habits and flaws we dislike and attitudes we believe to be ignorant or distasteful. In fact, some of the same traits that attracted us now annoy us. We liked that our mate was warm and friendly, but now feel ignored at social gatherings. We admired his bold and decisive, but learn he’s rude and close-minded. We were enchanted by her carefree spirit, but are now appalled by her unrealistic spending. We were captivated by his unfettered expressions of love and a promised future, but discover he’s loose with the truth.

Additionally, as the high wears off, we start to revert to our ordinary personality, and so has our partner. We don’t feel as expansive, loving, and unselfish. In the beginning, we may have gone out of our way to accommodate him or her, now we complain that our needs aren’t being met. We’ve changed, and we don’t feel as wonderful, but we want those blissful feelings back.

Two things happen next that can damage relationships. First, now that we’re attached and fear losing or upsetting our partner, we hold back feelings, wants, and needs. This puts up walls to intimacy, the secret sauce that keeps love alive. In its place we withdraw and breed resentments. Our feelings can come out sideways with sarcasm or passive-aggression. As romance and idealization fade, the second fatal mistake is to complain and try to turn our partner into who we first idealized him or her to be.  We feel cheated and disillusioned that our partner is now behaving differently than in the beginning of the relationship. He or she, too, is reverting to their ordinary personality that may include less effort made to win you and accommodate your needs. Our partner will feel controlled and resentful and may pull away.

In some cases, we might discover serious problems — that our partner has an addiction, mental illness, or his abusive or dishonest. These are issues that require a serious commitment to change and often years of therapy to overcome. Many codependents, who get quickly involved for the reasons stated above, will sacrifice their own happiness and continue in a relationship for years trying to change, help, and fix their partner. The dysfunctional family dynamics of their childhood often get repeated in their marriages and relationships. They may unconsciously be contributing to the problem, because they’re reacting to an abusive or controlling parent. Change requires healing our past and overcoming shame and low self-esteem to feel entitled to love and appreciation.

Getting to the Real Deal
We might not want to continue a relationship that involves addiction or abuse or has other serious problems. (See Codependency for Dummies for a list of both minimal and optimal ingredients for successful relationships.) Lacking major obstacles, getting past the ordeal to the real deal requires self-esteem, courage, acceptance, and assertiveness skills. It necessitates the ability to honestly speak up about our needs and wants, to share feelings, compromise, and resolve conflict. Rather than try to change our partner, our efforts are better placed on learning to accept him or her. (This doesn’t mean accepting abuse.) This is the struggle for intimacy, and requires a commitment by both partners to get through the ordeal stage with mutual respect and a desire to make the relationship work.

Steps You Can Take to Make Love Last
We will attract someone who treats us the way we expect to be treated. As we value ourselves more, whom we are attracted to will also change, and we will naturally avoid someone who doesn’t treat us well or meet our needs.

Know yourself, your needs, wants, and limits. 
Take time to get to know the person you’re dating. Learn who they really are and how you both resolve conflict.
Remember that sex releases oxytocin and increases bonding (though it can occur without it).
Be honest from the start. Don’t hide who you are, including your needs. Speak up when you dislike something.
Talk honestly about what you want and your expectations in a relationship. If the other person doesn’t want the same things, end it. (This may not be easy, but the relationship wouldn’t have worked or satisfied you.)
Research shows that relationship outcomes are predictable based on the partners’ self esteem. Read “Codependency: The Effect of Low Self-Esteem on Relationships.”  Self-worth is essential to healthy relationships. It also enables you to receive love and be repulsed by abuse. Get How to Raise Your Self-Esteem.

Boundaries and intimacy are essential to relationships. Learn to be assertive to express your feelings, needs, and wants and set boundaries.