WHAT'S IN A NAME?

A new marriage nearly got broken because of "Name".

The lady wanted to keep her maiden name because her father is famous and the name opens certain doors easily for her and she feels that changing it might make her miss out on such opportunities in future. .. But her husband wanted her to bear his own name. Infact , he considered her disrespectful and non- submissive because she didn't want to change her maiden name.

It was such a war between both lovers until an intervention from an authority they both revered.

I know someone might wonder that, what's in a name?.... I tell you, a lot is in a name. Asides marriage, I know People who have changed their names because they didn't like it. It's your means of identity so it's very important. 

I want to implore unmarried persons to have this discussion with their partners before marriage.

✅ Let your man know if you would not be changing your name after marriage. It does not stop you from being his wife. I know people who have been married for over 20 years, yet the woman still bears her father's name and they are happy. She had her reasons of cause, and her husband understands the reasons as well. It works for them... It might not work for you.

I know a lady who refused to get married to a guy because she didn't like his name. The surname had a negative idol-inclined meaning and the guy wasn't willing to change it so she said she can't imagine being called by that name all her life.. She broke up the relationship.

It was during courtship I told hubby I would love to take his middle name along with his surname. So instead of bearing" Ifedayo Salisu", I preferred "Ifedayo Bode-Salisu". I love it more, and hubby agreed.

I have to like my name. I have to love my name. I have to be proud when I'm being called by that name. It's my primary means of identity so I have to be pleased with it.

So, begin to discuss this now so it doesn't become an issue after marriage. If you don't want to change your name, let your partner know the reason and see if you can get them to agree... If you want to modify it like mine, or combine your father's name and your husband's name together (Zahra Buhari Indimi), likewise discuss it before marriage. 

Remember, you should be #onthesamepage.

♦️This article is Culled from a chapter in my book... If you are yet to get your copy, you don't know what you are missing. 

Written by

Ifedayo Bode-salisu

Relationship/Family Life Coach

Author #onthesamepage?

In January, Omotola Jalade shared on her IG that she was grateful that at 40, her last child is already in the University. Remember she has four kids and she married quite early.

Funke Akindele (Jenifa) congratulated her on the post. Funke is 41, and just had her first babies in December of last year.

Now, if you try to compare these two women, you'd fail at it because they are both accomplished. Will you say Funke is unfortunate for just having her first babies at 41 while Omotola's last child is already in Uni?

My point? Stop comparing yourself with others! Your life journey isn't the same with anyone, irrespective of societal expectations.

Not everyone will get married in their twenties, not every couple will have a baby nine months into marriage, not everyone will become a millionaire in their thirties, some people will get their dream jobs at 40, it doesn't mean they've failed. Some will become CEOs at 55.

Please learn to focus on your life. I know it's a difficult thing to do in this era of social media where everyone seems to be doing well in life except you. Don't compare your life journey with others, not even your classmates.

There are only CLASSMATES, there are no LIFEMATES. You're your only mate in life.

Whenever you're tempted to compare yourself with others (which makes you to feel pressured and sad), come back to this post and digest every word. So you better save it, because I will too.