Marriage is a social and legal institution in which two people, typically of different genders, enter into a formal and recognized partnership. This union involves a commitment to share their lives together, often with the intention of creating a family, sharing responsibilities, and providing emotional and economic support for one another. Marriage can carry various cultural, religious, and legal implications, and the specifics may vary across different societies and time periods. It often involves ceremonies, vows, and legal contracts that establish the rights and responsibilities of the spouses. The reasons for entering into marriage can be diverse, including love, companionship, procreation, social stability, and economic security. However, it's important to note that societal attitudes and legal definitions of marriage have evolved over time, with many places now recognizing same-sex marriages and more flexible definitions of partnership. According to Harville hendrix a famous scholar "Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends." This quotes by Harville hendrix suggests that marriage is more than just a legal or formal union between two people. Instead, it emphasizes the idea that marriage involves building a deep and meaningful emotional connection akin to a strong friendship. That is marriage is a lifelong journey where both partners continuously work on nurturing their relationship. It's not a one-time event but an ongoing process.This words highlights the idea that marriage involves personal growth and transformation. Over time, individuals in a marriage learn about each other, adapt, and change together. Marriage should be filled with passion, not just in a romantic sense but also in terms of genuine enthusiasm for each other's company and well-being.

Harville hendrix suggests that the bond in marriage should be built on friendship. In a friendship, there is trust, respect, understanding, and a deep connection. Friends support each other through life's ups and downs, and they genuinely enjoy each other's company.

So, this quote emphasizes that a successful and fulfilling marriage involves not only love and commitment but also the development of a strong and passionate friendship between partners. It's about continuously working to understand, support, and enjoy each other in a way that goes beyond just being romantic partners but being true friends as well.

                        THE IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE 

Marriage is very important for several reasons which are as follows:

Family Structure

It provides a stable framework for raising children, which is crucial for their emotional and social development. Marriage provides a family structure by establishing a legal and social framework for the formation and organization of a family unit. Marriage helps build a family structure by providing a legal and social framework for individuals to form stable partnerships, raise children, and share responsibilities. It offers financial and emotional support, defines roles and expectations, and fosters a sense of commitment and stability, which are essential for raising children in a nurturing environment. Additionally, marriage often reinforces cultural and societal norms related to family, contributing to social cohesion and the passing down of values from one generation to the next.

A family structure typically consists of a group of individuals who are connected by blood, marriage, adoption, or strong emotional bonds. It can vary widely but often includes parents, children, and sometimes extended relatives, forming a support network for emotional, social, and economic purposes. Family structures can be nuclear (parents and children), extended (including grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.), single-parent, blended (combining families through remarriage), or chosen families based on non-biological bonds. These structures evolve and adapt to cultural, societal, and individual preferences over time.

In essence, marriage provides a family structure by legally, socially, and emotionally binding two individuals together, creating the basis for raising children, sharing responsibilities, and building a life together as a family unit. This structured foundation often contributes to the stability and well-being of the family and the broader society.

Companionship and emotional support

Companionship and emotional support in marriage refer to the fundamental aspects of this institution where two individuals form a lifelong partnership primarily to provide each other with unwavering companionship and emotional stability. In a marriage, spouses offer each other a deep and enduring connection, serving as confidants and sources of comfort, joy, and understanding. This emotional support fosters a sense of closeness and security, contributing to personal happiness and overall well-being within the marital relationship.

Companionship and emotional support in marriage offer numerous advantages, including enhanced emotional well-being, stress reduction, improved communication, conflict resolution, increased happiness, personal growth, better parenting, increased resilience, and strengthened intimacy. These benefits create a foundation for a healthy, fulfilling, and lasting partnership. There are countless real-life examples of people who have benefited from the companionship of marriage. For instance Barack and Michelle Obama the former President of the United States, Barack Obama, and his wife, Michelle, have often spoken about how their strong marriage has been a source of support and strength throughout their careers. Also Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, The long-lasting marriage of Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip was a symbol of stability for the British monarchy and the United Kingdom as a whole. We also have couples in the entertainment industry who has benefited from the companionship of marriage such as Jay-Z and Beyoncé this power couple in the music industry often credits their strong marriage for mutual support and artistic inspiration.

These are just a few examples, but countless individuals from various walks of life have found happiness, support, and companionship through marriage. 

Legal and financial benefits

Legal and financial benefits of marriage include tax advantages, inheritance rights without taxes, eligibility for spousal Social Security benefits, access to healthcare benefits, simplified property ownership, legal decision-making authority in emergencies, sharing pension and retirement benefits, protection under family and medical leave laws, streamlined immigration processes for spouses, and more. These benefits enhance financial security, simplify legal matters, and offer stability to married couples.

Social and Cultural Significance

Marriage holds cultural and social significance by symbolizing commitment, love, and the union of families, serving as a cornerstone of societal values, customs, and traditions across various cultures.The cultural and social significance of marriage benefits society by fostering stable family structures, reinforcing shared values, promoting social cohesion, and providing a framework for the transmission of cultural traditions and norms across generations.

Religious and Spiritual Reasons

In many religious traditons marriage is considered a sacred convenant and it is vital for spiritual fufilment. Therefore, Marriage offers religious and spiritual support by aligning with the beliefs and teachings of many religious traditions. It is seen as a sacred covenant, providing a framework for couples to deepen their spiritual connection, seek guidance and blessings from religious authorities, and find spiritual meaning and purpose in their union. This support can strengthen individuals' faith and commitment to their religious community and values.Spiritual and religious support in marriage can provide couples with a shared moral framework, a sense of purpose, emotional resilience, guidance during challenging times, a supportive community, and a source of hope and meaning, all of which can strengthen their bond and help them navigate the ups and downs of married life.

REASONS FOR THE FAILURE OF MARRIAGE IN THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY

While marriage has a lot of benefits in the society, marriage in the twenty first century, like in any era, can face challenges and sometimes fail for various reasons. Here are some common factors contributing to the failure of marriages in the twenty first century:

Communication issues

Communication issues in the 21st century have contributed to the breakdown of marriages by causing misunderstandings, emotional distance, and conflicts due to factors like misinterpretations in digital communication, neglect of emotional expression, avoidance of difficult topics, and interference of screens in quality time together. These issues erode the foundation of a healthy marital relationship, often leading to dissatisfaction and the eventual dissolution of the marriage. For instance the prevalence of technology which has led to the introduction of social media has prevented couples from communicating in person thereby reducing the depth and quality of conservations in marriages. This in turn will make it difficult for couples to address important issues or connect emotionally. Lack of communication in marriage can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, emotional distance, and a breakdown in intimacy. It can also make it difficult to address issues or solve problems effectively, potentially leading to conflicts and even the deterioration of the relationship over time. This shows that communication is essential for maintaining a healthy and strong marriage. 

The term Stonewalling is a communication behavior in marriage identified by Dr. John Gottman, a renowned researcher in the field of marriage and relationships. It refers to a situation in which one partner in a relationship, typically during a conflict or argument, completely withdraws from the interaction. They become unresponsive, emotionally distant, and often refuse to engage in the conversation. 

Stonewalling can take various forms, such as physically leaving the room, giving the silent treatment, or emotionally shutting down. It can be detrimental to effective communication in a marriage because it prevents the open and respectful exchange of thoughts and feelings. Over time, if stonewalling becomes a recurring pattern, it can erode trust and intimacy in the relationship.

Dr. Gottman has identified stonewalling as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," a metaphorical term he uses to describe communication patterns that, if left unchecked, can predict the end of a marriage. The other three "horsemen" are criticism, contempt, and defensiveness. It's important for couples to recognize and address stonewalling to maintain healthy and productive communication in their relationship.

 Solutions

The solution to communication skills in marriage involves open and honest dialogue which is a dialogue in marriage involving creating a safe and trusting environment where both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or reprisal. It emphasizes transparent and sincere communication, which is essential for building understanding, resolving conflicts, and maintaining a healthy and strong marital relationship. Couples should also actively listen to each other that is they should pay full attention to their partners when they are speaking and couples should also not interrupt each other when talking as it would affect their communication and understanding. In marriage, couples should also show empathy to one another and they must be a willingness to compromise for each other. Couples should prioritize understanding each other's feelings and perspectives while expressing their own thoughts and emotions respectfully. Communication should be a two-way street, fostering trust and emotional connection. Couples may also benefit from seeking professional help when facing persistent challenges in their communication.

Financial Stress

Financial stress in marriage refers to the strain and pressure that arises when couples face financial difficulties or challenges. It encompasses the emotional and psychological toll caused by issues such as insufficient income, debt, unemployment, or disagreements over money management. This stress can lead to arguments, anxiety, and a general sense of instability within the relationship, potentially affecting the overall well-being and happiness of both partners.Financial stress can strain a marriage in several ways. Firstly, it often leads to arguments and conflicts over money management, budgeting, and spending habits. Secondly, the pressure of debt or financial instability can create anxiety and tension, affecting emotional well-being. Additionally, financial stress may limit opportunities for shared experiences or quality time together, eroding the emotional connection in a marriage. In extreme cases, it can even result in divorce as couples struggle to find common ground and solutions to their financial challenges. Financial stress can have profound effects on marriage. It can lead to emotional distance which grows as couples grapple with financial worries, impacting intimacy and connection. Coping mechanisms like excessive work or overspending may further strain the relationship. Over time, if not addressed, these issues can contribute to the breakdown of the marriage. 

Solutions 

Solutions to financial stress in marriage involve , shared responsibilities, which involves both partners actively participating in various aspects of their life together, including decision-making, household chores, parenting, and financial management. It fosters cooperation, equal partnership, and a sense of teamwork, ultimately strengthening the relationship and enhancing overall well-being. Budgeting can also be a good solution to financial stress in marriage by offering several important benefits. It promotes financial transparency, enhances communication and teamwork, reduces conflicts over money, helps achieve common financial goals, and ultimately strengthens the overall financial health and stability of the relationship. Couples can also solve the issues of financial stress by setting goals for themselves and by ensuring good management of debt, they can also build emergency fund and seek professional help when needed. There will also be times when couples will have to make lifestyle adjustments, for instance if couples are used to going out for vacation they can decide to stay home due to financial difficulty in order to save money. It is also important for couples to provide emotional support to each other during financial difficulty so as to ensure that they achieve their financial goals.

 Infidelity

Infidelity in marriage, often referred to as marital or spousal infidelity, occurs when one partner in a marriage engages in a romantic or sexual relationship outside of the marriage without the knowledge or consent of their spouse. It typically involves a breach of trust and commitment, as marriages are built on the expectation of emotional and physical exclusivity between spouses. Infidelity can take various forms, including emotional affairs (emotional infidelity) and physical affairs (sexual infidelity), and it can have significant emotional, psychological, and relational consequences within the marriage. Infidelity in marriage can have a devastating impact, leading to emotional pain, trust issues, communication breakdown, potential legal consequences, health risks, damaged self-esteem, strained relationships, and potential disruption for children. These effects can vary in intensity and duration depending on individual circumstances and how the couple chooses to address the situation.Infidelity in marriage can be caused by a combination of factors such as lack of emotional fulfillment, communication issues, temptation, relationship dissatisfaction, personal insecurities, and external influences. These complex dynamics often contribute to infidelity within marriages. For instance when a partner fails to sexually satisfy the other partner there is a high tendency of the other partner engaging in extra marital affair. Infidelity can be a challenging issue in marriages, and unfortunately, many real-life marriages have ended due to infidelity. Esther perel a renowned psychotherapist and author has extensively written on the issue of infidelity in marriages, she views infidelity as a complex and multifaceted issue. Esther Perel's work on infidelity in marriage centers on the idea that infidelity is a complex and often misunderstood issue. She explores the emotional and psychological aspects of infidelity, emphasizing that it can be a result of unmet desires and a quest for fulfillment. Perel also addresses the impact of secrets and betrayal on relationships, highlighting the potential for healing and growth after infidelity. Her work challenges traditional views on infidelity and promotes a more compassionate understanding of the subject.

Solutions

To address infidelity in a marriage, couples should focus on open communication that is they should learn to openly discuss their feelings to each other this will help to reduce the rate of infidelity in marriages. They should also seek professional help, that is if couples are struggling to be faithful in marriages they can go to a therapist or a counselor who is experience in marital issue in order to help them to strengthen their relationship. Couples should also rebuild trust and engage in individual self-reflections. They should also set boundaries, that is couples should learn to be careful when relating with people outside their marriages. For instance an husband who is happily married must give himself restrictions when dealing with female friends. Couples should also work on forgiveness, that is they should learn to forgive and let go of past grievances which will help to strengthen the bond between them. They should also spend quality time together, consider the future of the relationship, and seek support from friends and family or support groups.

Lack of intimacy

Intimacy in marriage encompasses emotional closeness, physical affection, and sexual connection between spouses. It involves sharing feelings, thoughts, and vulnerabilities, along with physical touch and sexual expression, contributing to a deep emotional and physical bond within the marriage. On the other hand, A lack of intimacy in marriage refers to the absence or significant reduction in emotional, physical, or sexual closeness between spouses. It signifies a diminished connection and bonding, often stemming from factors like communication issues, emotional distance, or unresolved conflicts, which can result in feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction within the marital relationship. The lack of intimacy in marriage can have several negative effects. It can lead to emotional distance between partners, reduced satisfaction in the relationship, and increased feelings of loneliness and isolation. Additionally, it may contribute to communication problems, lower self-esteem, and even potentially lead to infidelity or marital breakdown if not addressed. Intimacy is an important component of a healthy and fulfilling marriage, as it fosters connection, trust, and emotional well-being.

Solutions

To address a lack of intimacy in marriage, couples need to spend quality time together such as going on a date night which will help to keep the romance alive and couples should be emotionally supportive. They should learn to love and say encouraging words to each other this will help to strengthen the intimacy between them. They can also seek professional help if necessary, and addressing underlying issues.

External factors

External factors such as changes in societal norms, economic dynamics, and technological advancements, have significantly influenced the institution of marriage. These factors have contributed to shifts in marriage patterns, including delayed marriages, increased divorce rates, and changing gender roles within marriages. These changes reflect evolving cultural and economic landscapes, impacting how individuals approach and experience marriage. As examples, external influences could also be parents, in-laws, pastors, friends, or even children. All of them can be both good and bad, depending on how you view them and how much they are speaking into your marriage.

Solutions

These solutions include fostering open communication within marriages, promoting financial stability through education and equal opportunities, supporting policies that enhance work-life balance, and encouraging cultural acceptance of diverse family structures. By prioritizing these approaches, individuals and communities aim to strengthen marriages and adapt to the evolving external influences that affect them.

Social media and technology

Social media and technology have negatively affected couples in marriage by contributing to increased distractions, reduced face-to-face communication, fostering jealousy or insecurity due to comparisons, and sometimes enabling secretive or inappropriate interactions that erode trust and intimacy within the relationship. These challenges can lead to conflicts, emotional distance, and dissatisfaction in the marriage. For instance when couples compare their partners to people they see on social media, it can destabilize a marriage. Social media harmfully drains you of your confidence and esteem, leaving you to compare to other's and their perfect lives or marriages. As a result, most people end up comparing their relationships to the ones they see on social media, leading to a strained and unhappy marriage. That is Social media allows people to create and live in a fictitious fairy tale world, where “friends” have perfect marriages, amazing children and exotic vacations. If you spend hour upon hour seeing people live their perfect lives, you could start believing your life should be just as perfect (many people do). And if your life isn’t so perfect? That’s when envy sets in, followed by disappointment with your not-so-perfect life, which can lead to a desire to find a better life with someone else thereby leading to divorce.

Solutions

Solutions to the influence of social media and technology on marriage involve setting boundaries on screen time, that is they should learn to give themselves boundaries on the use of their phones and learn to engage in outdoor activities with each other such as going to the park engaging in sport e.t.c. prioritizing face-to-face communication, building trust through open conversations, and seeking professional help if needed to address issues related to technology and social media. Couples should also work together to maintain a healthy balance between their digital lives and their marital relationship. They should learn to regulate their screen time and also reduce the rate they scroll through social media which divert the attention of partners thereby leading to loneliness and neglect

Lack of support

Lack of support in marriage refers to the absence of emotional, physical, or practical assistance and understanding between spouses. It signifies a deficiency in the mutual encouragement, empathy, and assistance that couples typically provide each other. This absence of support can lead to feelings of isolation, dissatisfaction, and strain within the marriage. Lack of support in marriages can result from various factors, such as poor communication, unresolved conflicts, differing priorities or values, external stressors, emotional distance, or a lack of empathy and understanding between spouses. These factors can contribute to an environment where spouses do not feel adequately supported within the relationship. Solutions

Solutions to address the lack of support in marriages involve open communication, active listening, conflict resolution skills, spending quality time together, setting shared goals, considering professional help when needed, prioritizing self-care, establishing healthy boundaries, rebuilding trust if necessary, and seeking support from external networks like friends or support groups. These strategies aim to foster a more supportive and fulfilling marital relationship.

                 

Conclusion

In conclusion, the reasons for the failure of a marriage are multifaceted and complex, often stemming from a combination of factors such as communication breakdown, unmet expectations, lack of intimacy, financial stress, and individual growth or changes. Successful marriages require continuous effort, understanding, and a willingness to adapt to changing circumstances. By addressing these issues proactively, seeking professional help when needed, and prioritizing open and honest communication, couples can work towards building stronger and more resilient relationships, increasing their chances of long-term marital success.