It's barely a year into our marriage and yet I haven't had peace of mind even for once. The first issue is that I was too eager to have a child for him as I was really getting close to menopause. And I wanted possibly like 4 children before I hit menopause but there was no sign of any child coming. 

I tried all my possible best including going to prophets & native doctors to know whether there could be a spiritual solution out but all efforts proved abørtive. And the worst part is that my hubby doesn't even seem to be bothered at all. He keeps on telling me that children would come at the appointed time God chooses. I don't know how to tell this man that time is no longer on our side. I am just being so scared of standing the shame of being called barren while my mates are already through with giving birth.

But that aside, my husband behavior scares me the most. The man acts little concerned about issues. He is so reserved. Can you even imagine that he has a private room in our own house. No one DARES to go near the room. He always goes to the room late at night and early in the morning. He says the room is his temple and no one is permitted to go or have access to the room. I have tried to make him understand that I am his wife and I have every maximum right to have access to that room so far as this is our matrimonial house but he's not even ready to listen. He doesn't want to discuss what that his temple room is all about and this has been giving me serious night mares. Sometimes when I dream, I would see him coming out from that his temple room with a knife to k!ll me but when I wake up I would see him lying peacefully beside me. I am nervous and paranoid. Sometimes I even think he is the issue behind me not conceiving all this while or does he eat up our babies in that his temple room??

I'd been so depressed that I had to confound on my friend — Margaret. Margaret was shocked too about the whole situation. She advised me to break into the room while he's not at home.

"But he will definitely come back and find out!" I told Margaret at the thought of her suggestion.

"Look here Tomi, the main concern for you now is to know what that room is all about and not his actions when he finds out you broke into the room. How can you be living in a house for almost a year without you knowing the content of a particular room. C'mon, you need to brush up and be wise. That your husband must have some skeleton in his cupboard if not, why does he deprives you access to that particular room. I told you from onset that you need more time to know this man before marriage but you paid deaf ears to me and jumped into marriage. Now, you are married to a total stranger!!" Margaret plainly told me.

She was right afterall. I have too many irons in the fire to attend to and I have to do them fast before I end up crying over spilt milk. 

I left Margaret's boutique immediately for my house. My husband should still be in the office by now so I can carry out my investigation to clear my doubts. I rushed in quickly to the room's door with a hammer on my right hand. I was just about to break the door but then, I was held back from behind.

"What are you trying to do woman??". It was my husband, he held my arm so hard that I yelled in pains.

“Don't even try to do anything stup!d or else you are ready to face my wrath”. He told me, spat on my face and left. He took his briefcase along with him and then drove off.

I literally didn't inspect well, he must have came back home to pick up something ( like he does sometimes ). I became very scared. So scared that the rest of the day didn't turn out well for me. 

Later at night, I had that same dream I've been having for over a year now. This time around, he came out from the room with a dead baby and a knife in his hands. He stabbed me on my stomach and I woke up immediately. I became so aggravated and fed up with the whole night mares. I grabbed my pillow and choke my husband whom was sleeping next to me in the face. He struggled for breath and died instantly !! 

I ran up to his temple room, broke the door and found everywhere dark. I switched on the light and found just a chair and a reading table in the room. A holy bible was laying peacefully on the table. Then at the other end was a library of philosophy books. My husband was a lover of philosophy and that was what he studied in school.

It was then that it dawned on me that there was nothing fetish about his temple room. It was just a room where he meditates and have his quiet time. I was just mentally disordered about my childlessness and that was when the trust issues and suspicions started trooping in leaving me out in an Imaginary world.

Now, my eyes are clear. I am not only barren, I also made myself a widow!!! 

©️ Oji Dickson 

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