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Chuksaj
Ladies: Put Yourself And Your Health First
~3.3 mins read

Ladies: Put Yourself and Your Health First

What comes to mind when you think of self-care?
Does the term come across as self-indulgent or selfish? Maybe your mind instantly goes to expensive spa treatments or shopping. Or maybe your current belief is that self-care is only reserved for those with time and money to spare.
If that’s the case, it’s time to rebrand what this term really means, especially to women.  
“We often see the message of self-care in advertising directed at women, generally as a sales pitch for something we don’t need,” explains wellness and preventative medicine expert Sandra Darling, DO, MPH. “We’re told, ‘you deserve it,’ so it makes sense that we would associate the practice of self-care with pampering and spending money.”
Dr. Darling breaks down what self-care actually means and why it’s crucial for your physical and mental health.

Why you shouldn’t feel guilty about self-care

“Self-care is just another name for taking care of yourself, which is vital for your health and well-being,” says Dr. Darling. “More specifically, self-care means identifying and meeting your needs, something that most women struggle with.”
In our society, women often feel obligated to be caretakers. They tend to put others first – children, spouses, parents, friends, even pets. So it may feel awkward (and even selfish) for a woman to suddenly shift the balance from everyone-else-care to self-care.
Yet, Dr. Darling says it’s time for women to view self-care differently and enter into this uncharted territory, however uncomfortable it might feel at first.
“If you don’t properly care for yourself, your body will let you know in negative ways,” she says. “Self-care simply means you’re taking time to care for yourself.”

The toll of chronic stress

Chronic stress wreaks havoc on your health. It weakens your immune system and inflames your body, making you more susceptible to colds, weight gain, sleep issues, stomach ulcers, depression, diabetes and heart disease.
The physiological changes that result from prolonged stress are compounded by the poor choices you make when at the end of your rope.
What exactly does this mean?
Reacting to stress with numbing activities — like zoning out in front of an electronic screen or bingeing on junk food and alcohol — contributes to obesity and disease, poor sleep and ultimately, an unhappy existence.

“I advocate for self-care to prevent patients from getting to this point,” says Dr. Darling. “Rather than succumbing to the “rosé all day” approach to managing life’s stressors, treat yourself with love, respect and kindness — but also discipline.”

Wondering where to begin with self-care? Start with creating a pause in your day

Dr. Darling says to start your self-care routine by taking time each day to pause. Find an activity that promotes inner peace and calm. This will allow you to unwind from stress and get in touch with your needs.
Stress-relieving practices quiet the mind, balance hormones, including cortisol (the stress hormone), lower blood pressure and improve brain health.
Here are a few simple self-care ideas for beginners: 
  • Spend time in nature, like gardening or walking barefoot in the grass or sand, a practice called grounding.
  • If you’re especially tired, make an effort to go to bed early.
  • Spend 10 to 15 minutes a day on a few simple yoga poses or stretches.
  • Try an Epsom salts bath.
  • Use a guided meditation app.
  • Read a book in your favorite chair before bed.
  • Take a walk around your neighborhood without a goal.
  • Do a craft. 
  • Take a nap.
  • Sit on your front porch or deck and just sit there. No phone.
  • Often times, you will have an idea of what type of self-care works best for you. Maybe it’s going for a run, maybe it’s running around the backyard with your kids or maybe it’s cooking up a delicious dinner.

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    Chuksaj
    Building Emotional Wealth In Relationships
    ~4.8 mins read

    Building Emotional Wealth in Relationships

    It turns out the number one thing couples fight about is nothing.

    This not-so-earth-shattering discovery was made in Dr. Gottman’s Love Lab after spending more than 40 years studying over 3,000 couples. These couples were not arguing about specific topics like sex, money, or in-laws. They were fighting about the failure to connect emotionally.

    Every couple has what Dr. Gottman calls an Emotional Bank Account. When we turn towards our partner’s bids for connection, we make a deposit. When we turn away, we make a withdrawal. Just like a real bank account, a zero balance is trouble.

    An Emotional Bank Account grows when partners make more deposits than withdrawals. In a six-year follow-up study of newlywed couples, couples who remained married turned toward their partner’s bids for emotional connection 86% of the time in the lab, while those who divorced averaged 33%.

    Managing Your Emotional Bank Account

    The difference between happy and unhappy couples is how they manage their Emotional Bank Account. Let’s see how this plays out in Wendy and Scott’s relationship as they watch football together on a Sunday afternoon.

    Wendy: [Scrolling through Facebook] This hurricane is horrible. I feel so bad for all the people who are losing homes. One of my friends forgot to renew their insurance and lost everything. Isn’t that sad?
    Scott: [No response]

    Scott turns away from Wendy’s bid, missing an opportunity to make a deposit into their Emotional Bank Account and grow their emotional wealth. One single moment like this isn’t that important, but it can compound over time, creating disconnection and distance between partners.

    Wendy: [Scrolling through Facebook] This hurricane is horrible. I feel so bad for all the people who are losing homes. One of my friends forgot to renew their insurance and lost everything. Isn’t that sad?
    Scott: [Watching the game] That’s terrible. Who?
    Wendy: The Johnsons.
    Scott: Devastating.
    Wendy: Right? I’ll message them and see if there’s anything we can do to support them.
    Scott: Great idea. [Continues to watch the game]

    Scott turns toward Wendy’s bid, making a deposit in their Emotional Bank Account. He isn’t even that engaged in the conversation, and that’s okay. The key is that he acknowledges her.

    Seemingly unimportant moments like this one are essential because each time partners invest in their Emotional Bank Account, they are building up savings that can be used when times get tough.

    When the Emotional Bank Account is in the green, partners tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt during conflict. They keep their relationship in the positive perspective. When the Emotional Bank Account is in the red, partners tend to question each other’s intentions. They hold grudges.

    Creating an emotional investment plan

    You have the power to change your relationship by changing how you make and respond to bids for connection. However, not all bids are considered equal. Some are more positive or more negative than others.

    So, how do you measure the balance of your Emotional Bank Account?

    Here is what Dr. Gottman found in his research:

  • To be satisfied in the relationship, couples must focus on increasing deposits and minimizing withdrawals
  • 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction during conflict
  • 20 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction during everyday life
  • Why the difference? Because when couples are in the heat of conflict, they are already in a negative state, so the added negativity is to be expected. This 5:1 ratio does suggest that you still need to say and do five positive things for every negative thing, even during an argument.

    When you’re going through your day and you’re suddenly interrupted by a negative interaction, on the other hand, it has a much bigger impact on your Emotional Bank Account.

    It stands that an emotionally wealthy marriage is not cultivated during a two-week vacation to Hawaii. Instead, it’s built on a daily routine of positive habits and interactions.

    As Dr. Gottman explains, “For many couples, just realizing that they shouldn’t take their everyday interactions for granted makes an enormous difference in their relationship.”

    5 Ways to Build Emotional Wealth

    Here are five science-based ways to create a wealth of love and passion in your relationship.


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