fingers on genitals don't feel great. (Yes, most vagina owners need lube! This is not an indication of how turned on she is or how good a partner you are—it's just how vaginas work.) Ask her how she likes to be touched, or even ask her to show you.

5. Focus on the clitoris.

Keep your focus on the vulva (inner and outer lips) and the clitoris—not the vagina (aka inside). If you are both interested in helping her orgasm, focus on stimulating her clitoris. Most women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and most women cannot orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. (Here's our full guide on how to make a woman have an orgasm, plus what you need to know about the science of orgasms.)

6. Use toys.

First, encourage her to relax: This can help her surrender into an orgasmic experience. Using a powerful external vibrator on her clitoris can help this process. Bringing toys into your lovemaking creates opportunity for her to really open up sexually while taking pressure off you to be the sole provider—especially if she likes extended play. Some women can indulge in an hour or more of play before even thinking about orgasm, and extending the pleasure can be greater than any orgasm at all.

7. Explore tantric sex.

Tantric sex is all about slow, sensual lovemaking that emphasizes creating a deep, intimate connection between lovers. Many women enjoy this slower, more holistic approach. Here's our full guide to tantric sex if you're interested, plus how to give a tantric yoni massage (aka a high-sensation vulva massage). Even if tantra isn't your thing, prioritize creating an emotional connection during sex.

8. Invite her to participate in the process.

Ask questions and encourage her to express herself, her needs, and her sexual desires. Sometimes it's just the right combination of time, relaxation, and technique that will provide the ultimate recipe for deep, succulent surrender and satisfaction.