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Matt
If You Do Not Have A Mission, You Are Like A Man Without Testicles
~5.3 mins read
“The root cause of all neediness, pedestalization, social anxiety, unworthiness, and lack of confidence
is not having a mission.” — The (no longer published) LaidNYC Blog
Back in the early days of my business career I knew the most socially awkward man you could ever imagine.
For example:
He was needy and clingy with everyone. He was depressing to talk to and a vicious, passive-aggressive gossiper.
He would sweat, turn red, and go “mute” just being in a girl’s presence.
He looked like his mom still dressed him. Guys openly mocked him, he had zero friends, and, worst of all, his personality was so repugnant... he couldn’t keep a job for more than a few months before he was fired.
He was a pitiful wretch of a man.
And, he was so pathetic you couldn’t even feel sorry for him.
Whenever a guy shoved him out of the way or girls insulted him to his face, you understood. He all but asked to be treated that way.
It was painful just watching this guy interact with people. And, if anyone looked like the poster child for failure, it was him.
Now, fast forward 10 years later.
Today this man is a multi-millionaire, high paid speaker, published author, and philanthropist. People practically fight each other just to have the chance to do business with him. He always has a beautiful dame on his arm. He drives $100,000 sport cars. And, he lives the kind of lifestyle 99.9% of men will
never know.
A successful Villain thru and thru. But, how did he do it?
The guy decided to pursue a mission.
A mission (in his case, build a multi-million dollar business and never have to be under anyone else’s authority) that transcended himself. He started out near penniless, poured his heart and soul into it every day, and went after it without apology, pause, or apprehension.
The result was a total transformation in his life — financially, emotionally, and professionally.
That’s the kind of transformation a man with a mission can experience.
In fact, when you encounter a Villain with a clearly defined mission you will instantly know it.
You’ll see it in his eyes.
You’ll hear it in his voice (especially when he tells “war stories” about pursuing his mission).
And, you’ll feel it in the vibe he gives off just being in his presence.
There is something about a Villain with a mission other people are irresistibly drawn to. A Villain on a mission doesn’t care about what anyone — man or woman — thinks about him.
Instead, he cares only for his mission. As a result, women can’t help but be attracted to him (regardless of his looks), and will even compete with each other to be his minion.
Men, on the other hand, are inspired and intimidated by him. They want to be like him (even if they think they can never be him), eagerly submit to him, and stand in line just to become one of his lowly
henchmen.
A mission gives a Villain charisma.
Charisma gives a Villain power and influence.
And power and influence gives a Villain the world. But, it all starts with your mission.
A Villain without a mission is as useful as a eunuch. Just as a man without testicles cannot procreate, has no drive, and is pitied by men and women alike, a Villain without a mission
has no value to those he wishes to subjugate. People will, in fact, reject, mock, and be repelled by a Villain without a mission.
If you don’t have a mission you must get one. Today.
No excuses or putting it off until the New Year or when you’re “ready.”
It can be financial (building a business empire), or creative (becoming a world-famous musician, best-selling author, or celebrity actor), or religious (founding a church or organization to support your faith), or becoming the best there is in the world at a particular skill (shooting, poker, hunting, racing, professional sports, etc), or anything you want.
A mission is a personal quest and I can’t tell you what yours should be.
What I can tell you is, once you do have a mission you must nurture, protect, and ruthlessly pursue it. It must be the first thing you work on when you wake up in the morning, and the last thing on your mind when you drift off to sleep.
Friends, dames, even family must come second, with your mission being your most urgent priority. I am not saying to shirk any familial or marital responsibilities. But realize your loved ones’ happiness, security, and emotional/financial well-being trickle down from you — the man on a mission in their lives.
It’s like when flying a major airline. If the cabin loses pressure an oxygen mask drops down and you are told to put it on before trying to assist anyone around you. So it is for a man with a mission. Your mission is your oxygen mask.
Bow only to the altar of your mission.
Not to dames.
Not to friends.
And not to another person’s company, government, or society.
Put your mission first and you will automatically become a charismatic and influential Villain. Just the decision to achieve a mission — and then working towards it each day — will set forces in motion that will change your life, and the lives of those you love and wish to rule over.
In time, money will be attracted to you.
Dames will flock to you.
Family, friends, and acquaintances will respect you.
And power, influence, opportunity, access, and the best of life’s pleasures will be yours for the taking.
Yes, you will have setbacks.
Yes, you will have challenges.
And yes, you will want to quit at times — and probably have to hear the opinions of lesser men who are afraid of your success and the power it will grant you.
After all, in nature if you put crabs in a bucket, and one tries to climb out, the other crabs will pull it back in. Such is the fate of any man who decides to pursue a mission.
So be ready for challenges, and don’t be surprised when they happen. Just realize the thrill of achieving your mission and the joy of working on it will give you the greatest satisfaction you can ever experience.
A bad day working on your mission is better than a good day living a boring life of mediocrity like everyone else you know.
And the best part is, all it takes is a decision to define your mission and go after it. The rest will take care of itself.
Follow me see more from this little book I found myself!
is not having a mission.” — The (no longer published) LaidNYC Blog
Back in the early days of my business career I knew the most socially awkward man you could ever imagine.
For example:
He was needy and clingy with everyone. He was depressing to talk to and a vicious, passive-aggressive gossiper.
He would sweat, turn red, and go “mute” just being in a girl’s presence.
He looked like his mom still dressed him. Guys openly mocked him, he had zero friends, and, worst of all, his personality was so repugnant... he couldn’t keep a job for more than a few months before he was fired.
He was a pitiful wretch of a man.
And, he was so pathetic you couldn’t even feel sorry for him.
Whenever a guy shoved him out of the way or girls insulted him to his face, you understood. He all but asked to be treated that way.
It was painful just watching this guy interact with people. And, if anyone looked like the poster child for failure, it was him.
Now, fast forward 10 years later.
Today this man is a multi-millionaire, high paid speaker, published author, and philanthropist. People practically fight each other just to have the chance to do business with him. He always has a beautiful dame on his arm. He drives $100,000 sport cars. And, he lives the kind of lifestyle 99.9% of men will
never know.
A successful Villain thru and thru. But, how did he do it?
How did he go from super schlub to super Villain? What was his secret?
Answer:The guy decided to pursue a mission.
A mission (in his case, build a multi-million dollar business and never have to be under anyone else’s authority) that transcended himself. He started out near penniless, poured his heart and soul into it every day, and went after it without apology, pause, or apprehension.
The result was a total transformation in his life — financially, emotionally, and professionally.
That’s the kind of transformation a man with a mission can experience.
In fact, when you encounter a Villain with a clearly defined mission you will instantly know it.
You’ll see it in his eyes.
You’ll hear it in his voice (especially when he tells “war stories” about pursuing his mission).
And, you’ll feel it in the vibe he gives off just being in his presence.
There is something about a Villain with a mission other people are irresistibly drawn to. A Villain on a mission doesn’t care about what anyone — man or woman — thinks about him.
Instead, he cares only for his mission. As a result, women can’t help but be attracted to him (regardless of his looks), and will even compete with each other to be his minion.
Men, on the other hand, are inspired and intimidated by him. They want to be like him (even if they think they can never be him), eagerly submit to him, and stand in line just to become one of his lowly
henchmen.
A mission gives a Villain charisma.
Charisma gives a Villain power and influence.
And power and influence gives a Villain the world. But, it all starts with your mission.
A Villain without a mission is as useful as a eunuch. Just as a man without testicles cannot procreate, has no drive, and is pitied by men and women alike, a Villain without a mission
has no value to those he wishes to subjugate. People will, in fact, reject, mock, and be repelled by a Villain without a mission.
If you don’t have a mission you must get one. Today.
No excuses or putting it off until the New Year or when you’re “ready.”
What kind of mission should you pursue?
That is entirely your choice and nobody can make it for you.It can be financial (building a business empire), or creative (becoming a world-famous musician, best-selling author, or celebrity actor), or religious (founding a church or organization to support your faith), or becoming the best there is in the world at a particular skill (shooting, poker, hunting, racing, professional sports, etc), or anything you want.
A mission is a personal quest and I can’t tell you what yours should be.
What I can tell you is, once you do have a mission you must nurture, protect, and ruthlessly pursue it. It must be the first thing you work on when you wake up in the morning, and the last thing on your mind when you drift off to sleep.
Friends, dames, even family must come second, with your mission being your most urgent priority. I am not saying to shirk any familial or marital responsibilities. But realize your loved ones’ happiness, security, and emotional/financial well-being trickle down from you — the man on a mission in their lives.
It’s like when flying a major airline. If the cabin loses pressure an oxygen mask drops down and you are told to put it on before trying to assist anyone around you. So it is for a man with a mission. Your mission is your oxygen mask.
Bow only to the altar of your mission.
Not to dames.
Not to friends.
And not to another person’s company, government, or society.
Put your mission first and you will automatically become a charismatic and influential Villain. Just the decision to achieve a mission — and then working towards it each day — will set forces in motion that will change your life, and the lives of those you love and wish to rule over.
In time, money will be attracted to you.
Dames will flock to you.
Family, friends, and acquaintances will respect you.
And power, influence, opportunity, access, and the best of life’s pleasures will be yours for the taking.
Yes, you will have setbacks.
Yes, you will have challenges.
And yes, you will want to quit at times — and probably have to hear the opinions of lesser men who are afraid of your success and the power it will grant you.
After all, in nature if you put crabs in a bucket, and one tries to climb out, the other crabs will pull it back in. Such is the fate of any man who decides to pursue a mission.
So be ready for challenges, and don’t be surprised when they happen. Just realize the thrill of achieving your mission and the joy of working on it will give you the greatest satisfaction you can ever experience.
A bad day working on your mission is better than a good day living a boring life of mediocrity like everyone else you know.
And the best part is, all it takes is a decision to define your mission and go after it. The rest will take care of itself.
Read Previous Chapter: Becoming The Most Influential Guy In The Room
Read the Next Chapter: Annihilate Your Neediness
Follow me see more from this little book I found myself!
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Matt
Annihilate Your Neediness
~6.2 mins read
“What are the qualities of the needy man? The look on his face says it all, the way his head constantly darts around, always looking for something. Something that’s lacking, something that’s missing.”
— Tao of Dirt Blog
Recently, my fellow Villain Greg Perry sent me an email illustrating the #1 thing that’ll kill your charisma,
confidence, attraction, influence... and other attributes a Villain must have in order to conquer and rule.
Like me, he can only handle people in small doses.
And, like me, he has a low tolerance for people who don’t value his time.
Anyway, he was telling me about how he’d been getting phone calls from friends needing to “have lunch” or “come visit” or asking him “WHY do I never get time with you?”... and so on.
And, it got him to thinking about why he never goes out of his way to visit them or grant them his valuable time and attention.
Yes, he loves his friends and family.
Yes, he respects them.
And yes, he would do anything for them.
But, he doesn’t go out of his way to talk to them, hang out with them, or visit them. If anything, he thinks of excuses not to want to be around them.
Now, contrast that to my friendship with Greg.
We have known each other for almost 15 years. We have never once met in person. And, we have only spoken by phone a few times, and primarily communicate by email.
Yet, here is what he said:
“I like all these friends, a lot, but really, the only one I really would ON MY OWN make any effort to see if we lived closer is ROOD. I just don’t have enough in common with ALL THESE MEN to make an effort any more.
Strange since we’ve never talked in person isn’t it? But I consider you TOPS on my friend
list, and even then you’re light years ahead of whoever is #2.”
And, why do I have the exact same opinion of him?
In a word: Neediness.
Guys like Greg and I have zero neediness. And because of that, people in our lives want to be around us, listen to us, and get nervous when we don’t grant them attention. As a result, it’s very easy for us to recruit henchmen and minions. If we want social interaction, we get it on a dime (without begging,
shaming, or complaining). And, when we require a favor or request, they are granted without hesitation or drama.
Hear ye me and pay attention.
There are few things better you can do to:
1. Be more charismatic...
2. Improve your relationships (romantic, business partnerships, friendships, professional, family, etc)
and...
3. Attract people and opportunity into your life...
Than by simply not being needy.
Being needy means you need someone or something — whether it be a woman, a job, a favor, someone’s attention, a population’s vote, or anything else you want. Neediness repels people away from you. They can sense it in your words, your tonalities, and your body language.
Nobody wants to be around a needy man.
(Do you?)
Neediness kills everything about you that is attractive, charismatic, and influential. Frankly, a needy man cannot, by definition, be a Villain, no matter how many other Villain attributes he has.
• Talk a lot when trying to persuade someone to do what you want. (An idea, a plan, a heist, or even getting a date with a dame.)
• Asking people to spend time with you, instead of inviting them to.
• Constantly checking your phone when waiting for a reply. (Whether it be a dame, tonight’s plans with friends, someone you’re selling a house to, anything.)
• Afraid of not being liked.
• Complain about people not making time for you.
• Get emotional when someone tells you “no.”
• Always available, no matter what.
• Fear losing people in your life.
• Show respect to people who don’t respect you back.
• Work on other peoples’ missions before working on your own each day. (Including going to work in the morning before putting time in on your mission first.)
• Have trouble saying “no” to people.
• Apologize all the time.
• And the list goes on...
If you are guilty of doing any of the above then you are a needy man. And, a needy man can never be a true Villain.
That’s the bad news.
• Unconscious incompetence (i.e. you don’t know you’re needy)
• Conscious incompetence (i.e. you’re aware you’re needy but don’t know how to fix it)
• Conscious competence (i.e. you’re not needy when you consciously remind yourself about it)
• Unconscious competence (i.e. you automatically never act needy, without reminding yourself)
Before reading this chapter you were in stage 1.
As you were reading until now, you were in stage 2.
For now on you’ll be in stage 3 until, one day, you don’t have to think about it and are stage 4. The key to getting to this level fast is to always be vigilant and constantly remind yourself not to do the needy things listed above (or any other needy behaviors not listed).
In other words:
Put yourself and your goals, interests, and desires before anyone else’s. Don’t ask people to hang out with you anymore.
Instead, invite them to join you somewhere you’re already going to be whether they show or not. (And not caring if they come either way — easiest way ever to prevent people from flaking out
on you, too.)
Disappear from your social circle for a while to focus on your mission. And, position yourself as the person at the top of the mountain — who’s hard to get to and perceived as more valuable than the schlub at the bottom of the mountain who’s always available and easy to access.
Maybe this sounds counterintuitive.
Perhaps even a bit jerkish.
You best get used to it if you’re going to be a Villain. When you become a Villain you’re no longer in the same soulless democracy/popularity contest as your friends, family, and colleagues.
A Villain’s life is not a democracy — it’s a dictatorship.
And you’re the dictator.
Ever see a needy dictator before?
Me either.
And by simply eliminating neediness you will instantly elevate your value to the world. You will automatically be more charismatic to dames, would-be henchmen, and those you wish to
rule. Plus, you will begin to experience a peace of mind and confidence you didn’t even know existed.
One last thing:
Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been acting needy.
Even the best of men fall into neediness at times. For many years it was the biggest mistake I made, and it chased away more opportunities (and people) than I care to admit. I would do everything else right, but this one thing — being needy — sabotaged my progress.
The key is to catch yourself so you don’t do it anymore.
And, if you do, learn from the mistake and move forward.
In the next chapter I’ll show you how to give yourself some “insurance” from being needy — especially when it comes to finances. (So you don’t “need” a job or client you hate or ever have to go into debt or borrow money from someone.)
— Tao of Dirt Blog
Recently, my fellow Villain Greg Perry sent me an email illustrating the #1 thing that’ll kill your charisma,
confidence, attraction, influence... and other attributes a Villain must have in order to conquer and rule.
Here is what happened:
Like me, Greg lives a private life in his Villain’s lair.Like me, he can only handle people in small doses.
And, like me, he has a low tolerance for people who don’t value his time.
Anyway, he was telling me about how he’d been getting phone calls from friends needing to “have lunch” or “come visit” or asking him “WHY do I never get time with you?”... and so on.
And, it got him to thinking about why he never goes out of his way to visit them or grant them his valuable time and attention.
Yes, he loves his friends and family.
Yes, he respects them.
And yes, he would do anything for them.
But, he doesn’t go out of his way to talk to them, hang out with them, or visit them. If anything, he thinks of excuses not to want to be around them.
Now, contrast that to my friendship with Greg.
We have known each other for almost 15 years. We have never once met in person. And, we have only spoken by phone a few times, and primarily communicate by email.
Yet, here is what he said:
“I like all these friends, a lot, but really, the only one I really would ON MY OWN make any effort to see if we lived closer is ROOD. I just don’t have enough in common with ALL THESE MEN to make an effort any more.
Strange since we’ve never talked in person isn’t it? But I consider you TOPS on my friend
list, and even then you’re light years ahead of whoever is #2.”
Why would Greg have this attitude?
Why does he hold me in so much more esteem and respect than he does people he lives closer to, has known longer, and has broken bread with?And, why do I have the exact same opinion of him?
In a word: Neediness.
Guys like Greg and I have zero neediness. And because of that, people in our lives want to be around us, listen to us, and get nervous when we don’t grant them attention. As a result, it’s very easy for us to recruit henchmen and minions. If we want social interaction, we get it on a dime (without begging,
shaming, or complaining). And, when we require a favor or request, they are granted without hesitation or drama.
Hear ye me and pay attention.
There are few things better you can do to:
1. Be more charismatic...
2. Improve your relationships (romantic, business partnerships, friendships, professional, family, etc)
and...
3. Attract people and opportunity into your life...
Than by simply not being needy.
Being needy means you need someone or something — whether it be a woman, a job, a favor, someone’s attention, a population’s vote, or anything else you want. Neediness repels people away from you. They can sense it in your words, your tonalities, and your body language.
Nobody wants to be around a needy man.
(Do you?)
Neediness kills everything about you that is attractive, charismatic, and influential. Frankly, a needy man cannot, by definition, be a Villain, no matter how many other Villain attributes he has.
Below are a few neediness “tells.”
Ask yourself if you’re guilty of doing any of these things:• Talk a lot when trying to persuade someone to do what you want. (An idea, a plan, a heist, or even getting a date with a dame.)
• Asking people to spend time with you, instead of inviting them to.
• Constantly checking your phone when waiting for a reply. (Whether it be a dame, tonight’s plans with friends, someone you’re selling a house to, anything.)
• Afraid of not being liked.
• Complain about people not making time for you.
• Get emotional when someone tells you “no.”
• Always available, no matter what.
• Fear losing people in your life.
• Show respect to people who don’t respect you back.
• Work on other peoples’ missions before working on your own each day. (Including going to work in the morning before putting time in on your mission first.)
• Have trouble saying “no” to people.
• Apologize all the time.
• And the list goes on...
If you are guilty of doing any of the above then you are a needy man. And, a needy man can never be a true Villain.
That’s the bad news.
The good news?
It’s simple to stop your needy ways, even if you’ve been needy your entire life. Whenever you learn something new (like how to not be needy) you go through these stages:• Unconscious incompetence (i.e. you don’t know you’re needy)
• Conscious incompetence (i.e. you’re aware you’re needy but don’t know how to fix it)
• Conscious competence (i.e. you’re not needy when you consciously remind yourself about it)
• Unconscious competence (i.e. you automatically never act needy, without reminding yourself)
Before reading this chapter you were in stage 1.
As you were reading until now, you were in stage 2.
For now on you’ll be in stage 3 until, one day, you don’t have to think about it and are stage 4. The key to getting to this level fast is to always be vigilant and constantly remind yourself not to do the needy things listed above (or any other needy behaviors not listed).
What’s the single best way to get started?
Simply (starting today) withhold interest from people.In other words:
Put yourself and your goals, interests, and desires before anyone else’s. Don’t ask people to hang out with you anymore.
Instead, invite them to join you somewhere you’re already going to be whether they show or not. (And not caring if they come either way — easiest way ever to prevent people from flaking out
on you, too.)
Disappear from your social circle for a while to focus on your mission. And, position yourself as the person at the top of the mountain — who’s hard to get to and perceived as more valuable than the schlub at the bottom of the mountain who’s always available and easy to access.
Maybe this sounds counterintuitive.
Perhaps even a bit jerkish.
You best get used to it if you’re going to be a Villain. When you become a Villain you’re no longer in the same soulless democracy/popularity contest as your friends, family, and colleagues.
A Villain’s life is not a democracy — it’s a dictatorship.
And you’re the dictator.
Ever see a needy dictator before?
Me either.
And by simply eliminating neediness you will instantly elevate your value to the world. You will automatically be more charismatic to dames, would-be henchmen, and those you wish to
rule. Plus, you will begin to experience a peace of mind and confidence you didn’t even know existed.
One last thing:
Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been acting needy.
Even the best of men fall into neediness at times. For many years it was the biggest mistake I made, and it chased away more opportunities (and people) than I care to admit. I would do everything else right, but this one thing — being needy — sabotaged my progress.
The key is to catch yourself so you don’t do it anymore.
And, if you do, learn from the mistake and move forward.
Read Previous Chapter: If You Do Not Have A Mission, You Are Like A Man Without Testicles
In the next chapter I’ll show you how to give yourself some “insurance” from being needy — especially when it comes to finances. (So you don’t “need” a job or client you hate or ever have to go into debt or borrow money from someone.)
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