Annihilate Your Neediness

Annihilate Your Neediness


Annihilate Your Neediness Matt  

3 years ago

~6.6 mins read
“What are the qualities of the needy man? The look on his face says it all, the way his head constantly darts around, always looking for something. Something that’s lacking, something that’s missing.”
 
— Tao of Dirt Blog

Recently, my fellow Villain Greg Perry sent me an email illustrating the #1 thing that’ll kill your charisma,
confidence, attraction, influence... and other attributes a Villain must have in order to conquer and rule.

Here is what happened:

Like me, Greg lives a private life in his Villain’s lair.

Like me, he can only handle people in small doses.

And, like me, he has a low tolerance for people who don’t value his time.

Anyway, he was telling me about how he’d been getting phone calls from friends needing to “have lunch” or “come visit” or asking him “WHY do I never get time with you?”... and so on.

And, it got him to thinking about why he never goes out of his way to visit them or grant them his valuable time and attention.

Yes, he loves his friends and family.

Yes, he respects them.

And yes, he would do anything for them.

But, he doesn’t go out of his way to talk to them, hang out with them, or visit them. If anything, he thinks of excuses not to want to be around them.

Now, contrast that to my friendship with Greg.

We have known each other for almost 15 years. We have never once met in person. And, we have only spoken by phone a few times, and primarily communicate by email.


Yet, here is what he said:

“I like all these friends, a lot, but really, the only one I really would ON MY OWN make any effort to see if we lived closer is ROOD. I just don’t have enough in common with ALL THESE MEN to make an effort any more.
Strange since we’ve never talked in person isn’t it? But I consider you TOPS on my friend
list, and even then you’re light years ahead of whoever is #2.”

Why would Greg have this attitude?

Why does he hold me in so much more esteem and respect than he does people he lives closer to, has known longer, and has broken bread with?

And, why do I have the exact same opinion of him?

In a word: Neediness.

Guys like Greg and I have zero neediness. And because of that, people in our lives want to be around us, listen to us, and get nervous when we don’t grant them attention. As a result, it’s very easy for us to recruit henchmen and minions.
If we want social interaction, we get it on a dime (without begging,
shaming, or complaining). And, when we require a favor or request, they are granted without hesitation or drama.

Hear ye me and pay attention.

There are few things better you can do to:

1. Be more charismatic...

2. Improve your relationships (romantic, business partnerships, friendships, professional, family, etc)
and...

3. Attract people and opportunity into your life...

Than by simply not being needy.

Being needy means you need someone or something — whether it be a woman, a job, a favor, someone’s attention, a population’s vote, or anything else you want. Neediness repels people away from you. They can sense it in your words, your tonalities, and your body language.

Nobody wants to be around a needy man.

(Do you?)

Neediness kills everything about you that is attractive, charismatic, and influential. Frankly, a needy man cannot, by definition, be a Villain, no matter how many other Villain attributes he has.

Below are a few neediness “tells.”

Ask yourself if you’re guilty of doing any of these things:

• Talk a lot when trying to persuade someone to do what you want. (An idea, a plan, a heist, or even getting a date with a dame.)

• Asking people to spend time with you, instead of inviting them to.

• Constantly checking your phone when waiting for a reply. (Whether it be a dame, tonight’s plans with friends, someone you’re selling a house to, anything.)

• Afraid of not being liked.

• Complain about people not making time for you.


• Get emotional when someone tells you “no.”

• Always available, no matter what.

• Fear losing people in your life.

• Show respect to people who don’t respect you back.

• Work on other peoples’ missions before working on your own each day. (Including going to work in the morning before putting time in on your mission first.)

• Have trouble saying “no” to people.

• Apologize all the time.

• And the list goes on...


If you are guilty of doing any of the above then you are a needy man. And, a needy man can never be a true Villain.

That’s the bad news.

The good news?

It’s simple to stop your needy ways, even if you’ve been needy your entire life. Whenever you learn something new (like how to not be needy) you go through these stages:

• Unconscious incompetence (i.e. you don’t know you’re needy)

• Conscious incompetence (i.e. you’re aware you’re needy but don’t know how to fix it)

• Conscious competence (i.e. you’re not needy when you consciously remind yourself about it)

• Unconscious competence (i.e. you automatically never act needy, without reminding yourself)

Before reading this chapter you were in stage 1.

As you were reading until now, you were in stage 2.

For now on you’ll be in stage 3 until, one day, you don’t have to think about it and are stage 4.
The key to getting to this level fast is to always be vigilant and constantly remind yourself not to do the needy things listed above (or any other needy behaviors not listed).

What’s the single best way to get started?

Simply (starting today) withhold interest from people.

In other words:

Put yourself and your goals, interests, and desires before anyone else’s. Don’t ask people to hang out with you anymore.
Instead, invite them to join you somewhere you’re already going to be whether they show or not. (And not caring if they come either way — easiest way ever to prevent people from flaking out
on you, too.)

Disappear from your social circle for a while to focus on your mission. And, position yourself as the person at the top of the mountain — who’s hard to get to and perceived as more valuable than the schlub at the bottom of the mountain who’s always available and easy to access.

Maybe this sounds counterintuitive.

Perhaps even a bit jerkish.

You best get used to it if you’re going to be a Villain. When you become a Villain you’re no longer in the same soulless democracy/popularity contest as your friends, family, and colleagues.

A Villain’s life is not a democracy — it’s a dictatorship.

And you’re the dictator.

Ever see a needy dictator before?
Me either.

And by simply eliminating neediness you will instantly elevate your value to the world. You will automatically be more charismatic to dames, would-be henchmen, and those you wish to
rule. Plus, you will begin to experience a peace of mind and confidence you didn’t even know existed.

One last thing:

Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been acting needy.

Even the best of men fall into neediness at times.
For many years it was the biggest mistake I made, and it chased away more opportunities (and people) than I care to admit. I would do everything else right, but this one thing — being needy — sabotaged my progress.

The key is to catch yourself so you don’t do it anymore.

And, if you do, learn from the mistake and move forward.

Read Previous Chapter: If You Do Not Have A Mission, You Are Like A Man Without Testicles


In the next chapter I’ll show you how to give yourself some “insurance” from being needy — especially when it comes to finances. (So you don’t “need” a job or client you hate or ever have to go into debt or borrow money from someone.).

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