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The foundations of music and sport were shaken today, when it emerged that popular Portuguese footballer Nani is the son of popular American singer, Michael Jackson.
Jackson has now confirmed that Nani (aka Lus Carlos Almeida da Cunha), is the child he had formerly disowned in his 1983 hit song, Billy Jean. In a statement today, Jackson said "Billy Jean was my lover, and the kid is my son. And she wasn't like a beauty queen from a movie scene, I made that up, she was a five dollar doxy." Jackson claims he intends to rerecord the song, to reflect this new admission. "I need to put things right," he said.
Nani, of Manchester United fame, has refused to comment thus far, but sources close to the greasy winger (thought to be his teammates John O'Shea and Carlos Tevez) say he is "chuffed" and "can't wait to meet his creepy new dad".
Michael Jackson had a spell with OSC Nice between his Thriller and Bad albums, the latter of which is thought to be about his short time as a professional footballer. His old manager, Jean Srafin, said "Michael was a really bad midfielder."
Despite ignoring Nani since his birth, Jackson did actually pick the boy's name. "Billy Jean just called me and asked me to pick a name - I didn't want to talk to her, so I just said to call it Nanny so she would leave me alone. I like nannies," said Jackson.
Here is the song lyrics
She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
I said don't mind, but what do you mean, I am the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round?
She said I am the one, who will dance on the floor in the round
She told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
And mother always told me be careful of who you love
And be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
For forty days and forty nights
The law was on her side
But who can stand when she's in demand
Her schemes and plans
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round
So take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice
(Do think twice, do think twice)
She told my baby we'd danced 'til three, then she looked at me
Then showed a photo my baby cried his eyes were like mine (oh, no)
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round, baby
People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
She came and stood right by me
Just the smell of sweet perfume
This happened much too soon
She called me to her room
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
She says I am the one
You know what you did, (she says he is my son) breaking my heart babe
She says I am the one
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover (don't Billie Jean)
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover